The Recording Industry Association of America makes no bones about their strategy to stop illegal downloading- they are going to target poor college kids and old ladies. What’s their next great idea, targeting cancer patients? The RIAA will be damned if some poor girl tries to escape to a happier place by listening to “the Sun will come out tomorrow” for free. The RIAA will take her bottom dollar so fast it will make the cancer in her brain spin.

Make no mistake, this is a ruthless organization. More importantly, it is rapidly becoming one of the most hated organizations in the world, according to some tech blog. I predict they will soon pass Al-Qaeda and PETA on the list of hated organizations if they don’t shape up. I’m probably the only thing in the world that can save them now. Here’s how they can turn it around.

1. Claim evil people throughout history downloaded illegal music

A simple campaign to get those uneducated college kids to start associating downloading music with evil. They can call it the “Everyone starts somewhere” campaign.

Did you know Genghis Khan killed a lot of people? Yeah, he also downloaded music illegally. Adolf Hitler killed a lot of people too, but he placed even less value on intellectual property law than he did on human lives. The only music on slave ships was ripped off of bootlegged phonographs (true story). Jeffrey Dahmer started by taking music that wasn’t his, which led to him taking lives that weren’t his too. It’s also widely rumored that Osama Bin Laden hasn’t paid for a music download in his entire life. And you thought there was a limit to his evil?? Go ahead and download your “OK Go!” just as long as you’re aware of the crowd you’re joining.

2. Hit them with some facts.

According to the infamous Bible quote, there are lies, damned lies, and statistics. You combine all three to create an effective PR campaign, so here are some facts the RIAA can throw at college kids.

• 90% of people who download music illegally get emphysema.
• 55% try to commit suicide.
• 25% become terrorists.
• 1 in 3 become pregnant.
• 5 out of 6 spontaneously combust.

And, the most telling statistic, 0% go to heaven. Think illegal downloading is fun? Do your homework and look again.

3. Take a page from PETA’s book.

They have the “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” campaign where celebrities get naked so the RIAA needs to rip this off. This is difficult because downloading music is so much better than wearing stupid fur, so the RIAA will really have to up the sex ante here. How about, “I’d rather have sex with hotties than download music illegally!” Only guys know how to download illegally and no one would do it at the risk of sex, especially the nerds who run the companies that facilitate this stuff. Just run some ads with a picture of a dorky kid surrounded by three or four hotties and everyone will get the message. Or, maybe you run some text with it, like “When you pay for a CD, you aren’t just buying the music, you are also buying sex.” That’s bound to get your point across.

Lee Ledbetter Ivy is a PR guru. He can be reached at lee.ledbetter.ivy@gmail.com