By Nathan Jordan

It’s already October, which means Halloween is right around the corner. Like all holidays, All Hallow’s Eve can be stressful, so we here at CraveOnline have some advice to yelp you enjoy yourself on the scariest day of the year!

-Safety first! Punch anyone who says this.
 
-Go ahead and celebrate Halloween, but be prepared for a strong reprimand from Kirk Cameron.
 
-Just stay in and have a scary-movie fest where you watch every film that features Kate Winslet’s nipples.
 

You should see her Halloween costume!

-Trust me on this one, just because you are dressed as a ghost doesn’t mean that the women in the locker room at the gym can’t see you. 



-The best Halloween costumes are the ones that are made using wit, creativity, and materials that can be found in the home. Or you can just admit that you’re on welfare.

- If you’re already a slut, now’s the time of year to dress up like a conservative, properly attired nurse.
 

Have some self-respect, slut.

-Haunted Houses can be expensive and have long lines. If you want some real scares, take the kids to Sizzler on a Saturday night.

-Pray that a zombie virus doesn’t break out, because how would you know?

-Here’s a fun party game for the kids. Blindfold them and have them touch different objects. Have them feel cold spaghetti and tell them they are touching intestines. Tell them that peeled grapes are eyeballs. Stick their hands down the garbage disposal and turn it on to replicate a school of piranhas.
 

"What did I tell you about handing out pennies instead of candy!?"

-Be sure to check your kids’ candy for razors, poison, and safety pins by eating it all yourself.
 
-If you want trick-or-treaters to stop by your house for treats, leave the porch light on. If you don’t want anyone to stop by your house, live in Detroit.
 
-Enjoy a traditional Celtic/West Virginia Halloween celebration by taking stock of your winter supplies and slaughtering livestock.  Don’t forget to toss those bones in a fire to keep those pesky evil spirits away from the crops!
 
-Don’t worry, unsafe sex has been a Halloween tradition since before condoms were invented!