by Johnny Firecloud

For nine years running, the Coachella Arts & Music Festival has drawn thousands of bands and music lovers from all over the planet for two to three days (depending on the year) of musical debauchery on the polo fields of Indio, CA.

There's a great time to be had by all walks of life, as long as they come equipped with the right gear and attitude
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Guess what, kids!  Coachella is in the f*cking desert. It doesn't matter if you're in girl pants and eyeliner or Birkenstock's and patchouli, nobody's exempt from the treachery of the desert heat or the inevitable fine layer of dust that everyone ends up wearing by the end of the day. Sunblock, sunglasses, water ($2 a bottle) and light clothing is a must for anyone who doesn't want to die of heatstroke or have their eyes burned to charred little raisins in the sun. Here are a few other things you should keep in mind in order to make sure your Coachella experience is as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.

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10. Get there early - If you're camping, get there Thursday night - you won't have to worry about all the endless traffic and the hassle of parking while the sun's beating down. There's nothing fun about stressing out in suffocating heat. The line to get in the campground is going to take forever either way, so you might as well make it easy on yourself. Besides, the campground at night is a fun place to be. You never know what's happening in the sea of tents...

9. WASH YOURSELF! It's blazing hot in the desert, and like it or not, you'll be stinking to high hell after a few hours of rocking out in the sun. If you're not staying at a hotel, the portable showers at the campgrounds adjacent to the fields are better than one might expect. Do yourself and everybody around you a favor and wash up.

8. Don't drink till the sun goes down - The fastest way to dehydrate yourself is to start throwing 'em back while the sun's beating down on you. Once it starts to cool off you can partake in the glory of a $17 drink in the beer gardens.

7. Don't drink too much - Collapsing tents by stumbling drunk into them is no way to pick up chicks. Not only that, but it would be a good idea to steer clear of the temptation to moonwalk in front of cops while chugging a bottle of Jack Daniel's. Know your limits, and...

6. Get some sleep! No matter what you put in your body, three days in the hot sun is gonna take its toll. Get at least 5-6 hours of sleep each night, so you can be refreshed and raring to go in the morning.


5. Eat - Breakfast is the most important meal. There's an Ihop a couple miles up the road, but get there early; the wait can get pretty ridiculous. There's a lot of the standard overpriced festival fare once you get inside, so bring some cash. The ATM fees are between three and seven bucks.

4. Hide your stash well - Be smart about what you do decide to bring. Security's lax, but it's no reason to broadcast your recreational antics. And no matter how good the deal sounds, don't buy anything but weed on the fields or at the campsite: you never know what you're getting.

3. Make a schedule - You will miss some performances you'll wish you had seen, but if you plan ahead you can cut down on the missed moments. They've got perfect pocket-sized schedules at the event, but it's best to come equipped, so as to reduce the risk of last-minute squabbling over who to see with whoever you came with.

2. Do your homework - Being prepared is the best way to prevent the forehead-smacking discovery that you missed an awesome act. Check back on Wednesday for CraveOnline's Coachella Music Picks. In the meantime, go to coachella.com for a comprehensive list of this year's performers and their respective websites, where you can sample the music and see if something new catches your ear.

1. Water, water, water - We've mentioned it already, but without it, you're gonna have a bad time. Stuff bottles in every pocket you can find - you'll be thankful when you're up front and the sweaty goddess to your left starts begging you just to pour some on her.