This month's free MP3s are a approximately this metal on a scale of one to "holy shit that guy shaved an upside down cross into his thick mass or course, matted body hair":

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Artist: The Bronx
Song: Young Bloods

Our resident music columnist, Johnny Firecloud, picked The Bronx’s latest album, “The Bronx (III)” as the number one album of 2008. If you can look past Johnny's questionable love of Kanye West and NIN, you'll probably get the impression that he generally knows what he is talking about when it comes to music. Will “Young Bloods” make a believer out of you as well?

Young Bloods

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Artist: Jedi Mind Tricks
Song: Monolith

Jedi Mind Tricks are one of the best selling independent hip hop artists of the decade, moving hundreds of thousands of records without any label representation for years. “A History of Violence” features the return of estranged former member Jus Allah to the group, after a prolonged absence teaching underwater bingo to underprivileged teens in New Jersey.

Monolith

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Artist: Lady Sovereign
Song: I Got You Dancing

Lady Soveriegn is only the second most popular rapping midget (after Bushwick Bill), but she is without question the single most popular female rapper of the burgeoning UK “Grime Scene”. A scene that includes at least one other person that I have heard of because I am not from the UK (that being Dizzee Rascal). For those of you that are unfamiliar, Grime is sorta like gangsta rap that you can dance to, hence the name, "I Got You Dancing".

I Got You Dancing

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Artist: Illa J
Song: Strugglin'

After the passing of legendary producer J Dilla, an album of unreleased tracks fell into the hands of his younger brother, John Yancy, who raps under the name “Illa J”. “Strugglin” is one of the standout tracks from the posthumous collaboration between the two brothers.

Strugglin'

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Artist: Alias
Song: Well Water Black feat. Yoni wolf of WHY?

This song defies a gentrified description, as it arranges electric and acoustic music styles in such a way that is particularly uncommon. Alias is a true songwriter in such a way that doesn’t really exist yet in the hip hop world for any but a very small few talented individuals.  

Well Water Black feat. Yoni wolf of WHY?

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Artist: Eulogies
Song: Two Can Play

“Two Can Play” is either the peppiest song about being depressed that you’ll hear this month, or the most depressing song about being happy. I’m still not quite sure which. Much like real life, it’s a mixture of elation and melancholy existing at the exact same time, neither one having a definitive beginning, middle or end.

Two Can Play

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Artist: Friendly Foes
Song: My Body (Is a Strange Place to Live)

Friendly Foes sound a bit like that alternative rock from the 90s that was good, like Sonic Youth or Dinosaur Jr., as opposed to the shittier variety offered by the Spin Doctors or the Goo Goo Dolls. What this means is that they are able to craft memorable, catchy tunes without trying too hard to be “cool” (which I think is the only thing that separates 90s alternative rock from 2000s “indie” rock).

My Body (Is a Strange Place to Live)

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Artist: Pegataur
Song: Lord Solomon's Eyes

Pegautar got their name from the noise that a glorious Pegasus makes whilst getting wrecked by a randy stegosaurus in the backseat of a cherry red 68' Camaro, which also sorta describes what they sound like. Pegataur are kind of like The Sword, only without a singer. If you like metal but don’t necessarily like metal singers, Pegataur is your band.

Lord Solomon's Eyes

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Artist: Toxic Holocaust
Song: Wild Dogs

Toxic Holocaust is the second raddest name for a thrash metal band, after Abortion Clinic. “Wild Dogs” is a song so evil, when played backwards it compels you to “Sgod Dliw”. I’m not sure what that means, but I’m guessing it’s some kind of ancient Sumerian H.P. lovecraft type shit that means “rape your own face with a sledgehammer” or something equally grotesque.

Wild Dogs