Hilton, whose real name is Mario Lavandeira,  took his whining, beaten ass to Twitter as soon as his fat little hands stopped shaking:

Will made a good point about the fact that he took his case to Twitter rather than calling the cops: "Sounds like somebody wants mad attention, and is not really concerned about his health." After all, isn't that what this is all about?

Phenomenally, the manbitch was beaten down for pulling his usual childish antics, acts that wouldn't be tolerated under any circumstance if committed by any heterosexual man on Earth. So what makes Perez so special? How can he get away with being the single biggest asshole douche on the planet? It comes down to the fact that he's got a knack for controversy - both stirring it up himself and swarming to it like a fly on elephant shit - with more self-important gusto than most anyone else in the game, TMZ included. 

 But he's supposed to get away with it because he's gay, which in Perez's world means you can call someone a faggot, berate and embarrass them in public, and suffer no repercussions. Hell, even make a multi-million-dollar career out of it. At least that's what he thought, until he got a mouthful of Pea. 

Keep in mind that Lavandeira is on our collective radars because he draws crude pictures of dicks either going into or coming out of the mouths of celebrities on pictures on his site. He is the walking, talking embodiment of absolutely everything that's wrong with Hollywood, pop culture and America in general - a man who prides himself on being the biggest, most flamboyant bitch in the room at all times, and makes his living by cutting others down in the most despicable of ways.

Update: The folks over at HuffPost just condensed Perez's sobbing charade down from nearly 12 minutes to 60 seconds. Watch the hilarity here.