When even the hottest girl in Hollywood and the biggest band in the world can't save the season kickoff, the time may have come to put even the longest-running comedy program in television history to sleep.

It wasn't just an underwhelming debut for the 35th season of "Saturday Night Live" this weekend - it was outright dismal. The entire 90 minute episode served as a clear example of everything that's been increasingly wrong with the show for years: the skits went on far too long (especially the unfunny political cold-opener), centered almost entirely on Megan Fox's sex appeal and featured characters nobody was ever hoping to see again (Kenan Thompson's Jean K. Jean).

Male cast member VIP Will Forte shined in all his glorious weirdness as a SWAT team leader super-nerd in a well-written Digital Short with Fox, which ended with a surprise twist. However, Kristen Wiig is still the most versatile player in the bunch, bringing some badly-needed laughability to the painfully unfunny "Weekend Update," which pulled laughs with her recurring Judy Grimes character ("Just kidding... just kidding").

Wiig also saved Fox's hide in a lengthy vapid-stewardess bit, nailing mannerisms and character tics that fleshed out the character, while Fox had only kept up a Southern accent. The story was the same in the Biker Chick Chat sketch, in which she was the third and final guest.

Speaking of Biker Chick Chat, one of the two newest members of the cast, Jenny Slate, made quick history by accidentally dropping an F-bomb on her very first sketch appearance. To her credit, having to say "frickin" in rapid-fire succession over a four minute skit will trip up lingual acrobats, let alone a nervous new addition taking the place of another female cast member that only lasted one season. Here's hoping Lorne Michaels (and the FCC) has a sense of humor about it all.  [Update: She's keeping her job.]

What's it going to take Lorne and his producers at SNL to get rid of their abominable sound crew? U2's performance was among the worst in recent memory, and it wasn't from a lack of effort by the larger-than-life mega band. The vocals were far too high in the mix, the bass was nearly nonexistent and the guitar was muddy. It was a disappointing anticlimax to a record-setting show the night before at Madison Square Garden.

As a dogmatic "Saturday Night Live" fan literally since birth, it's with a heavy heart that I suggest the NBC brass pull SNL from the schedule. Lorne needs to realize that his brand of humor simply doesn't resonate anymore (he makes the final calls on which sketches make the cut), and step down to make room for new production blood - for the sake of his own legacy.