4. BRAVESTARR (1987-1988)

It’s amazing how in only one year Bravestarr became one of the worst superhero cartoons ever made. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when the giant bin of cocaine and LSD was passed around during the production meetings. I say that because only incredibly powerful narcotics could have led these people to green light this hunk of steaming shit.

Picture this if you can. It’s the 24^th Century and in deep space is a place called New Texas. How scary is it that the only city allowed to colonize space is Texas. Great, alien rednecks, just what we need. So on this new planet are these humanoid settlers being terrorized by a bad guy named…get this…Tex Hex. Good ole’ Tex Hex looks like an unused villain from Scooby Doo given a cowboy makeover. He deals in “space drugs” and commits “space crimes”.

Enter Bravestarr a superhuman elemental superhero sheriff (say that fast three times). What makes Bravestarr a step above the average lawman is his connection to the natural world around him. When he needs to he can call on the Speed Of A Puma, Strength Of A Bear, Eyes Of A Hawk and Ears Of A Wolf. The problem is that none of his powers have anything to do with their animals. I’ve never seen a Puma outrun a rocket powered motorcycle or a Bear that can lift up a tank. Basically they gave this guy lame powers then tried to make them deep by coupling them with “nature”.

My favorite part of Bravestarr was his cybernetic horse named Thirty/Thirty. See if this works for you: the last of an ancient race of cybernetic equestrians this horse can talk and go from four legs to two. He also carries around a giant energy rifle he calls “Sarah Jane” and has super strength.

Like I said, it has to be drugs.

In order to hide the sloppy writing the creators stick in a moral lesson at the end of every show. This way the writers can say they dumbed down the dialog in order for kids to get the message. Hey I’m all for heavy narcotics but not to decide the future of animation or television.