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March Movie Guide
All new movies to check out this month.
by
Mar 02, 2009
Mar 02, 2009
Welcome back to Crave's monthly movie guide. March is a huge month for the silver screen, due in no small part to the maniacally anticiapated Watchmen movie that finally hits this week!
Watchmen
After endless haggling, lawsuits, threats and misinformation, Zack Snyder finally brings Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' critically acclaimed comic book Watchmen to the big screen this Friday courtesy of DC Comics and Warner Bros. Pictures. Set in an alternate universe circa 1985, the film's world is a highly unstable one where a nuclear war is a constant imminent threat between America and Russia. Superheroes have long since been shunned and stripped of glory thanks to the government-sponsored Keene Act, but that all changes with the death of The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), a fiery ex-hero commando whose mysterious death perks the interest of one of the country's last remaining vigilantes, Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley). His investigation leads him back into the company of his other former costumed colleagues, including Dr. Manhattan, Night Owl (Patrick Wilson), Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), Sally Jupiter (Carla Gugino), and her daughter, The Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman).
CraveOnline's Call: Watchmen gave the super-powered mythos a grounding in reality that had been missing in mainstream comics, and it's thrilling to know we're just days away from the big release.
Phoebe is a girl who can't seem to follow the rules, and seeks comfort from her unconventional drama teacher (Patricia Clarkson), as her brilliant but complexly anguished mother (Felicity Huffman) looks to Phoebe for inspiration. It's a young girl's self-discovery and her journey to find acceptance of her individuality.
CraveOnline's Call: Read the synopsis again. Nuff said.
Release Date: March 6
CraveOnline's Call: It's worth a look, even just to see what Gondry's been up to lately. He'll be directing the Green Lantern movie, so it's good to know what he's had cooking over the past year.
Release Date: March 20
Julia Roberts and Clive Owen reunite to star as spies-turned-corporate operatives caught up in a clandestine love affair. Trust and love do a dangerous dance when the two find themselves embroiled in a high-stakes espionage game.
CraveOnline's Call: Sounds like a craftier Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but a bit sugary, no? Sounds like Netflix material to me.
The Race To Witch Mountain
When a Las Vegas cab driver (Dwayne Johnson) finds two teens with supernatural powers in his cab, he finds himself in the middle of an adventure he can barely wrap his head around. When they discover that their only chance to save the world lies in unraveling the secrets of a secret place in the middle of the Nevada desert called Witch Mountain, the race begins as the government, mobsters and even aliens try to stop them.
CraveOnline's Call: The special effects in the trailer look pretty cool, and if you've got any little brothers or sisters you could make a dent in offsetting the torment and years of future therapy they'll need because of you, by taking them to see this.
Masters of horror Wes Craven and Sean Cunningham revisit their landmark film that launched Craven's directing career and influenced decades of horror films to follow: 'The Last House on the Left.' Bringing one of the most notorious thrillers of all time to a new generation, they produce the story that explores how far two ordinary people will go to exact revenge on the sociopaths who harmed their child.
The night she arrives at the remote Collingwood lakehouse, Mari (Sara Paxton) and her friend are kidnapped by a prison escapee and his crew. Terrified and left for dead, Mari's only hope is to make it back to parents John and Emma (Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter). Unfortunately, her attackers unknowingly seek shelter at the one place she could be safe. And when her family learns the horrifying story, they will make three strangers curse the day they came to 'The Last House on the Left.'
CraveOnline's Call: Craven may have carved himself another winner with this one! There's no limit to the extent of retaliation a parent will go to to set the balance after their child is harmed, and this is a play-by-play 'what if?' scenario.
Release Date: March 13
Directed by and starring members of the Whitest Kids U' Know Trevor Moore and Zach Cregger, the film's about a young man (Cregger) who wakes from a four-year coma to hear that his once-virginal high-school sweetheart (Alessi) has since become a centerfold in a porno magazine. He and his sex-crazed best friend (Moore) decide it's a perfectly reasonable reaction to take a cross-country road trip, crash a party at the magazine's headquarters and win back the girl.
CraveOnline's Call: Just wait for it to be on Comedy Central next year, sandwiched between the same three episodes of "Reno 911" they never stop f*cking playing.
Release Date: March 20
Nicolas Cage stars in this gripping action-thriller about a professor who stumbles on terrifying predictions about the future—and sets out to prevent them from happening. His increasingly desperate efforts take him on a deadly race against time until he finds himself facing the ultimate disaster—and the ultimate sacrifice.
CraveOnline's Call: Reminds me of that Jim Carrey flick The Number 23 - I regretted blowing fifty bucks at the movies that night, and I won't get fooled again.
Release Date: March 20
Paul Rudd stars as an engaged man who goes on a search to find a friend to fill his empty best man spot by taking part in an assortment of bizarre "man dates" before meeting Sydney (Segel), his bro-soul mate. John Hamburg directs from his own script for this DreamWorks production that includes Rashida Jones, Jaime Pressly, and Jason Segal.
CraveOnline's Call: Word on the street's that this is a hilarious ride. All involved players are known for delivering the goods, so this one gets a thumbs-up.
The Accidental Husband
CraveOnline's Call: No.
Release Date: March 27
CraveOnline's Call: There's some meat on these bones. We'll bite.
In the latest massive Dreamworks animation spectacle, California girl Susan Murphy is unexpectedly clobbered by a meteor full of weird goo from outer space and mysteriously grows to 49-feet-11-inches tall. She's instantly ostracized and labeled a "monster" named Ginormica, and before long the military captures and holds her in a secret government compound, where they've been quietly rounding up monsters over the years. This hodgepodge crew consists of the genius but insect-headed Dr. Cockroach, Ph.D., the macho half-ape, half-fish The Missing Link; the gelatinous and indestructible B.O.B.; and the 350-foot grub called Insectosaurus. When a mysterious alien robot lands on Earth and begins storming the country, only the monsters can save the day.
CraveOnline's Call: I just can't buy into this. I want to feel the magic, I want to be excited, but I just can't be. It feels wrong. The animation is janky.
As usual, we've got you covered on the bits & pieces for movie releases this month.
Watchmen
Release Date: March 6
Director: Zack Snyder
Starring: Billy Crudup, Malin Akerman, Matthew Goode, Carla Gugino and more
Rating: R
After endless haggling, lawsuits, threats and misinformation, Zack Snyder finally brings Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' critically acclaimed comic book Watchmen to the big screen this Friday courtesy of DC Comics and Warner Bros. Pictures. Set in an alternate universe circa 1985, the film's world is a highly unstable one where a nuclear war is a constant imminent threat between America and Russia. Superheroes have long since been shunned and stripped of glory thanks to the government-sponsored Keene Act, but that all changes with the death of The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), a fiery ex-hero commando whose mysterious death perks the interest of one of the country's last remaining vigilantes, Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley). His investigation leads him back into the company of his other former costumed colleagues, including Dr. Manhattan, Night Owl (Patrick Wilson), Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), Sally Jupiter (Carla Gugino), and her daughter, The Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman).
CraveOnline's Call: Watchmen gave the super-powered mythos a grounding in reality that had been missing in mainstream comics, and it's thrilling to know we're just days away from the big release.
Phoebe in Wonderland
Release Date: March 6
Director: Daniel Barnz
Starring: Elle Fanning, Felicity Huffman, Patricia Clarkson, Bill Pullman
Rating: PG-13
Phoebe is a girl who can't seem to follow the rules, and seeks comfort from her unconventional drama teacher (Patricia Clarkson), as her brilliant but complexly anguished mother (Felicity Huffman) looks to Phoebe for inspiration. It's a young girl's self-discovery and her journey to find acceptance of her individuality.
CraveOnline's Call: Read the synopsis again. Nuff said.
Tokyo!
Release Date: March 6
Director: Michel Gondry, Leos Carax, Bong Joon-ho
Starring:
Rating: G
Tokyo! is a 2008 omnibus composition film by three directors, with each segment shot in Tokyo, Japan. Michel Gondry of The Science of Sleep and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Leos Carax of The Lovers on the Bridge, Bong Joon-ho of The Host each directed a segment of this complex feature about life in 21st Century Tokyo.
CraveOnline's Call: It's worth a look, even just to see what Gondry's been up to lately. He'll be directing the Green Lantern movie, so it's good to know what he's had cooking over the past year.
Duplicity
Release Date: March 20
Director: Tony Gilroy
Starring: Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Billy Bob Thornton, Paul Giamatti
Rating: PG-13
Julia Roberts and Clive Owen reunite to star as spies-turned-corporate operatives caught up in a clandestine love affair. Trust and love do a dangerous dance when the two find themselves embroiled in a high-stakes espionage game.
CraveOnline's Call: Sounds like a craftier Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but a bit sugary, no? Sounds like Netflix material to me.
The Race To Witch Mountain
Release Date: March 13
Director: Andy Fickman
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Carla Gugino, Cheech Marin
Rating: PG
When a Las Vegas cab driver (Dwayne Johnson) finds two teens with supernatural powers in his cab, he finds himself in the middle of an adventure he can barely wrap his head around. When they discover that their only chance to save the world lies in unraveling the secrets of a secret place in the middle of the Nevada desert called Witch Mountain, the race begins as the government, mobsters and even aliens try to stop them.
CraveOnline's Call: The special effects in the trailer look pretty cool, and if you've got any little brothers or sisters you could make a dent in offsetting the torment and years of future therapy they'll need because of you, by taking them to see this.
Last House On The Left
Release Date: March 13
Director: Dennis Illiadis
Starring: Tony Goldwyn, Monica Porter, Sara Paxton, Garret Dillahunt
Rating: R
Masters of horror Wes Craven and Sean Cunningham revisit their landmark film that launched Craven's directing career and influenced decades of horror films to follow: 'The Last House on the Left.' Bringing one of the most notorious thrillers of all time to a new generation, they produce the story that explores how far two ordinary people will go to exact revenge on the sociopaths who harmed their child.
The night she arrives at the remote Collingwood lakehouse, Mari (Sara Paxton) and her friend are kidnapped by a prison escapee and his crew. Terrified and left for dead, Mari's only hope is to make it back to parents John and Emma (Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter). Unfortunately, her attackers unknowingly seek shelter at the one place she could be safe. And when her family learns the horrifying story, they will make three strangers curse the day they came to 'The Last House on the Left.'
CraveOnline's Call: Craven may have carved himself another winner with this one! There's no limit to the extent of retaliation a parent will go to to set the balance after their child is harmed, and this is a play-by-play 'what if?' scenario.
Miss March
Release Date: March 13
Director: Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore
Starring: Zach Cregger, Trever Moore, Raquel Alessi, Molly Stanton
Rating: R
Directed by and starring members of the Whitest Kids U' Know Trevor Moore and Zach Cregger, the film's about a young man (Cregger) who wakes from a four-year coma to hear that his once-virginal high-school sweetheart (Alessi) has since become a centerfold in a porno magazine. He and his sex-crazed best friend (Moore) decide it's a perfectly reasonable reaction to take a cross-country road trip, crash a party at the magazine's headquarters and win back the girl.
CraveOnline's Call: Just wait for it to be on Comedy Central next year, sandwiched between the same three episodes of "Reno 911" they never stop f*cking playing.
Knowing
Release Date: March 20
Director: Alex Proyas
Starring: Nicholas Cage, Rose Byrne, Chandler Canterbury
Rating: PG-13
Nicolas Cage stars in this gripping action-thriller about a professor who stumbles on terrifying predictions about the future—and sets out to prevent them from happening. His increasingly desperate efforts take him on a deadly race against time until he finds himself facing the ultimate disaster—and the ultimate sacrifice.
CraveOnline's Call: Reminds me of that Jim Carrey flick The Number 23 - I regretted blowing fifty bucks at the movies that night, and I won't get fooled again.
I Love You, Man
Release Date: March 20
Director: John Hamburg
Starring: Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Rashida Jones, Andy Samberg
Rating: R
Paul Rudd stars as an engaged man who goes on a search to find a friend to fill his empty best man spot by taking part in an assortment of bizarre "man dates" before meeting Sydney (Segel), his bro-soul mate. John Hamburg directs from his own script for this DreamWorks production that includes Rashida Jones, Jaime Pressly, and Jason Segal.
CraveOnline's Call: Word on the street's that this is a hilarious ride. All involved players are known for delivering the goods, so this one gets a thumbs-up.
The Accidental Husband
Release Date: March 27
Director: Griffin Dunne
Starring: Uma Thurman, Jeffrey Deam Morgan, Colin Firth. Isabella Rossellini
Rating: PG-13
New York firefighter Patrick Sullivan had no idea his perfect life was about to go up in smoke, but thanks to a radio couples counselor his fiancée broke off their engagement - so he decides to do what any sensible man would do: get revenge. But when Patrick and his computer-savvy pal decide to give Dr. Lloyd a taste of her own medicine and "accidentally" join them in holy matrimony, it isn't long before they learn that sometimes even an expert in love needs a second opinion. And yeah, that's the tagline for the film. Cheesy as hell.
CraveOnline's Call: No.
12 Rounds
Release Date: March 27
Director: Renny Harlin
Starring: John Cena, Stever Harris, Aidan Gillen, Brian White
Rating: PG-13
Detective Danny Fisher (John Cena) is about to have the worst day of his life. A nearly untraceable internationally-known terrorist named Miles Jackson (Aidan Gillen) has kidnapped his girlfriend Molly Porter (Ashley Scott), forcing the cop into "12 Rounds" of dangerous games carefully orchestrated and set in the streets of New Orleans. Danny struggles to keep it together while the ticking clocks and horrific consequences that accompany each one of these "rounds" nearly stop him from rescuing the love of his life before it's too late.
CraveOnline's Call: There's some meat on these bones. We'll bite.
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Release Date: March 27
Director: Rob Letterman, Conrad Vernon
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen, Rainn Wilson
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen, Rainn Wilson
Rating: PG
In the latest massive Dreamworks animation spectacle, California girl Susan Murphy is unexpectedly clobbered by a meteor full of weird goo from outer space and mysteriously grows to 49-feet-11-inches tall. She's instantly ostracized and labeled a "monster" named Ginormica, and before long the military captures and holds her in a secret government compound, where they've been quietly rounding up monsters over the years. This hodgepodge crew consists of the genius but insect-headed Dr. Cockroach, Ph.D., the macho half-ape, half-fish The Missing Link; the gelatinous and indestructible B.O.B.; and the 350-foot grub called Insectosaurus. When a mysterious alien robot lands on Earth and begins storming the country, only the monsters can save the day.
CraveOnline's Call: I just can't buy into this. I want to feel the magic, I want to be excited, but I just can't be. It feels wrong. The animation is janky.
Not in any way associated with Crave Entertainment, Inc.
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