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So what does the term Raping my childhood actually mean? Look at it this way, when you watch a movie or TV series based on something from the 80’s that makes you feel nostalgic about the source material your half way there. When you revisit said material are you left with the feeling what the hell was wrong with me as a kid? then my friend your childhood has been raped. There is nothing worse than having to walk down a memory lane that says that you would put up with anything.
Transformers success is based on kick ass special effects and Megan Fox’s lips, not the source material which was smartly disregarded by the creators of the movie script. People who hate the movie because it doesn’t follow the same storyline as the cartoon are either A) Sad people who never learned to let the 80’s die or B) idiots who wouldn’t know a bad script if Uwe Boll smacked them in the face with one personally. G.I. Joe is foregoing a simple military tale with the inclusion of a bunch of sci-fi elements to overcome source material that had more guns than the Crips and Bloods combined but less death than an episode of Mr. Rogers.
These two franchises should serve to remind us how bad crap from the 80’s really was but they won’t unless drastic measures are taken. Those measures take shape in the form of blatant honesty about us and the internet. To all our loyal Crave Online followers we appreciate you, but we are well aware that Hollywood poo poo’s on all our good ideas or outright ignores our apparent genius. It’s because of this lopsided relationship that I propose a little reverse psychology. The following is a list of 80’s cartoons that we feel should be made into movies. Because we suggested them, they will never get made and thus the universe is saved! Confused? Well good. At least you’re trying to pay attention.
Here they are in alphabetical order:
Bionic Six
A cartoon about an interracial family with various bionic powers, Bionic Six had roughly the same animation style as G.I. Joe and like that show there was plenty of acceptable violence but none of that pesky death. It’s important to point out that most American born cartoons are nothing more than thirty minute toy commercials (that includes ‘classics’ like Transformers and G.I. Joe) and Bionic Six was no different.
On messages boards dorks call this a “Well made sci-fi show from the 80’s -- some dork with no life” but in reality it was at best a commercial with an obligatory ‘after school special’ kind of message at the end.
On Film:
A movie could be totally bad ass if the following happens. All of the original Bionic Six are killed during the opening credits, and then actual 3 dimensional characters are chosen in a story that makes some kind of plausible sense. The idea of a family being caught in a radioactive snow storm is a little thin if you ask us, so we say change it.
