The year's been off to a slow start in Hollywood, and with two forgettable comedies and a cheap horror flick to offer, this week isn't about to change the pace. But as usual, we're here to make sure you're spending your severance check in the right places with CraveOnline's Movie Guide, giving you the lowdown on the good, the bad and what could be the great films of this month.
Starring: Kevin James, Jayma Mays, Shirley Knight, Raini Rodriguez
Kevin James stars Paul Blart as a single dad trying to maintain the happy suburban life by working as a security officer at a New Jersey mall. Despite the fact that everyone else thinks he's a joke, Paul takes his job very seriously, seeing himself as the only hope of safety for thousands of shoppers. When a criminal caper shuts down the mall, Blart will have to become a real cop to save the day.
CraveOnline's Call: Do we really need to paint this picture? Fat guy mall cop has to get serious to save everybody.
Starring: Don Cheadle, Emma Roberts, Lisa Kudrow, Kevin Dillon
Another dog movie! Making the most of Marley & Me's success, this film follows hot on the heels with another canine comedy adventure that shows how far love and imagination can take you. When Andi and her younger brother Bruce are told by their new foster parents that they can't keep their pet, they have to get creative to find a new home for their dog, Friday. After the kids stumble upon an abandoned hotel, they transform it into a pooch paradise for Friday and all his friends. When the sounds of barking dogs make the neighbors suspicious, Andi and Bruce use every invention they have to save their hotel for dogs.
CraveOnline's Call: If your girlfriend is still shaken up over the dog dying in Marley & Me (oops, uh, spoiler alert), this is the answer. For everyone else, move the hell on.
Starring: Jamie King, Jensen Ackles, Kerr Smith
Any town named Harmony is bound to have some problems. Tom Hanniger was a rookie coal miner who caused a tunnel collapse that trapped and killed five men and put the accident's only survivor, Harry Warden, in a coma. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, Harry woke up. Evidently not the forgiving type, he brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed.
Fast forward ten years. Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused (but evidently not haunted enough to stay away on big anniversaries of the horrors). Long story short: a wild killer in a miner's mask comes after him, and it soon begins to look as if Harry Warden has returned to get his ultimate revenge.
CraveOnline's Call: A bit early for Valentine's-themed movies, no? Especially ones that sound like Friday the 13th in a coal mine, but 3D is kind of cool...
