Welcome to CraveOnline's weekly rundown of movie releases! Here we'll give you the rundown on all the good, the bad and the unwatchable films headed your way this week.
Starring: Jean Claude Van Damme, Francois Damiens
Jean-Claude Van Damme is a washed-up action hero. He probably can't even drop into those ball-crushing splits anymore that he was so well known for back in the day. Anyway, his increasingly mundane, normal-guy life intersects with a real hold-up in Brussels, Belgium, and suddenly the movie star is very much an ordinary, scared-shitless guy. How can he live up to the image he's built on celluloid? Will he step up to his reputation and play the hero, for reals this time?
CraveOnline's Call: The guy looks like f*****g Edward James Olmos on the poster. That's not a good sign. But it might just be awesome.
Starring: Seann William Scott, Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, McLovin
Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott are Danny and Wheeler, two salesmen who trash a company truck while tweaking on an overload of energy drinks. They're given a choice by the court: do hard time or spend 150 hours with a youth mentorship program. Obviously they go the big brother route, but Danny has a hard time not morally corrupting medieval-obsessed Augie (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), especially since having just been dumped by his girlfriend (Elizabeth Banks).
Wheeler, meanwhile, serves as the equivalent of moral toxic sludge to Ronnie (Bobb'e J. Thompson), who needs some help in redirecting his foul-mouthed ways. Hijinks ensue, jail threats straighten everybody out, and there's a happy ending, we're sure.
CraveOnline's Call: Stiffler jumped the shark years ago. McLovin's on minute 14. But Paul Rudd is awesome, so there's a chance that this won't suck.
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac, Sean Hayes
The dream team of Samuel L. Jackson and Bernie Mac comes to fruition, sadly, almost too late. Louis (Jackson) and Floyd (Mac) were part of a popular singing act back in the day, but after the limelight faded they went their separate ways and never spoke again. When the death of their former frontman (John Legend) brings them back together, they head out on a cross country drive for a tribute concert at the legendary Apollo Theatre. Can they bury the hatchet on a twenty-year-old grudge in just five days?
CraveOnline's Call: If Bernie Mac weren't dead, I'd be making all sorts of comparisons to the Swanky Modes in Tapeheads, but seeing that he is, this one deserves a shot, if only for sentimentality.
Director: Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath
Starring: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Sacha Baron Cohen, Bernie Mac, David Schwimmer
When Alex the lion (Stiller) and the whole Madagascar gang hop on a plane bound for NYC, they soon find themselves stranded in the faraway Madagascar. The zoo-bred animals encounter their own kind in the wild for the very first time, and because it's a kids movie, they're not torn to bloody chunks and devoured in the first 6 minutes.
CraveOnline's Call: The original made $400 million. That means you should get used to Madagascar sequels. Wait for it on DVD.
