.jpg) By Iann Robinson | I am not a remake fan - at least not the way Hollywood has been going about it lately. For the last near decade the bean counters and culture whores in the studio machine have been picking great films and remaking them simply to turn a profit. |
Films that were perfect the first time around or caught an essence that can’t be replicated are being gutted and drained of any life they once had for a new generation of Mall Crawling film kids who hate that whole “thinking” thing too much. At first I was dead set against any of it but then recently I saw the trailer for the remake of Death Race 2000. Sure it looks stupid, but then so was the original. I began to think to myself that maybe, just maybe, instead of raging against Hollywood I could steer them in the right direction. So I picked ten movies I thought would make killer remakes and for the next ten weeks I will be really exploring how to remake them well. It’ll probably never happen but this is the kind of stuff I love to write about.
For the first in my series titled: 10 Movies I Think Would Make Kick Ass Remakes (how original huh) I had to start with one of my favorites: The Last Starfighter. When this movie was released in 1984 I flipped , I loved it. The special effects were state of the art in the mid-eighties and as a thirteen-year-old geek nothing would have made me happier than to be a Starfighter. That being said, it wasn’t such a great film that I see it as a classic. In short I think it would make a hell of a remake. It has everything that is still popular today. Video games, sci-fi, aliens, space battles, and if you expanded the plot even more it could be a great summer blockbuster.
For those who don’t know The Last Starfighter is the story of Alex Rogan an exceptionally smart kid who’s stuck in a dead end life living with his mom and little brother in a dusty trailer park. The park itself is filled with quirky residents all of which seem to just annoy Alex. To make matters worse he’s not the most popular guy at his school and he’s terrified of letting down his girlfriend Maggie the only good thing in his life. To blow off steam Alex plays a video game at the local grocery store called Starfighter. The game centers on the player combating the Kodan Army and their commander the evil Xur. Alex masters the game quickly, he seems almost a natural at it. After Alex’s triumphant trouncing of the imaginary Kodan army an alien named Centauri lands in a space car (which I so wished they had made a toy of) and convinces Alex to journey to the stars to help the Starfighter Armada.
Once there Alex realizes this is not a game but a war and he might actually die. Not exactly brimming with confidence Alex forces Centauri to return him to Earth. While he’s gone the Kodan Army attack the Starfighter base and kill all of them. Meanwhile Alex has his own problems. Not only is there an android that looks exactly like him taking his place there is some kind of slimy monster assassin out to kill him. Alex calls Centauri back to get the “Alex” Android and when he arrives Centauri kills the assassin saving the real Alex Rogan’s life. Telling Alex that more will be on the way Centauri convinces him to return to the Starfighter base and help fight against the Kodan Army. However when Alex gets back he finds he is The Last Starfighter and that it’s up to him and his co-pilot Grigg, a lizard alien, to stop the entire Kodan Army.
The movie, though almost 25 years old, isn’t dated plot wise and would translate well to the modern movie going audience. First off the video game world these days is a billion dollar industry so instead of stand up games we switch it to XBOX or Playstation 3. In the new version the alien race infiltrates the video game world with their new game “Starfighter” which is not only a space battle game but also a first person shooter. Have it be a game that you can only download and nobody is sure who owns it. As kids around the globe get hooked on the game we find the new Alex Rogan, a dorky kid who lives in maybe a suburb instead of a trailer park. He’s not popular at school but he does hang out a lot with this girl Maggie who he likes but is afraid to admit it to. The Starfighter itself is actually played on-line, which allows the alien race to track the global scores. Alex’s is the highest and so Centauri lands and takes him into space.
Even when the battle begins they could expand the plot a little and have Grigg and Alex crash on the Kodan planet and use Alex’s first person shooter skills to get out and back to their captured ship. Back on Earth there could be a plot twist where the Alex Android is plugged into Alex’s actual emotions so the android knows Alex digs Maggie and tries to set it up so she’s into him when he gets back. With video games being huge as well as CGI effects being what they are, the film could look great and turn out to be financially viable. Just think of the tie in toys and video games, it would make millions for the bean counters and still be a good time for all of us.
Casting wise I see Joseph-Gordon Levitt (3rd Rock From The Sun, Brick) as Alex Rogan and Anne Hathaway as Maggie. I think for Centauri Hollywood should stretch the casting a bit and do something like Owen Wilson or Snoop Dog. Personally, though he’d never do it, I’d want Tom Waits to be Centauri. Imagine Waits’ crusty voice trying to convince this kid to fight for the Starfighter Armada, it would be a perfect fit. As for Grigg, the friendly Co-pilot, that would be something to really think about. Grigg is under a lot of make-up in the original so there’s two ways to update him. We can make Grigg a completely CGI character and hire somebody with a killer voice. I know it seems like blasphemy but a fully CGI character with Tim Allen’s voice would be cool. Sure he was in that silly TV show but he also voiced Buzz Lightyear and he was great in that. They could also give Grigg a more regal vibe and have somebody like Morgan Freeman do the voice. If Hollywood wanted to not spend the money for a fully CGI character then I still think the voice concept would work best. Get Doug Jones who played Abe Sapien and The Silver Surfer and have him create the physical character while another person creates the voice. There could even be homage to Hellboy with Jones doing Grigg’s body and John Hurt doing the voice. With Grigg there are a lot of options to modernize him without ruining the character.
No movie is worth its salt without a good villain and though Xur was a cool idea, the guy who played him in the original just didn’t have it. Xur looked creepy with his white hair and weird skull and it needed somebody who would bring out the insanity and the creepiness. For me the only person who can play Xur is Jeff Goldblum. He would be creepy, eccentric and he can do fucking nuts really well. Don’t believe me, just watch his turn as The Fly and you’ll understand. The main cast is really who I’m focused on here because the rest will follow if the main people are taken care of.
There is also a lot of room for cameos from the original cast. Have Catherine-Mary Stewart who played Maggie in the original play Maggie’s mom in the remake. Have Lance Guest who originally portrayed Alex Rogan play the leader of the Starfighter Armada. It’d take a lot of make up but that would make it even cooler. There’s also room for a lot of fun with all the creatures that don the Starfighter Armada outfits before they are wiped out. Have famous people do cameos as one or two line voices with the actual creatures being either CGI or make up effects.
If done correctly a remake of The Last Starfighter could be almost a live action Pixar movie in that it could appeal to adults and kids. The main thing would have to be the script; it would have to be even better than the original because there is too much of a risk of it turning into an eye candy crap fest. The original film, though not a huge hit, was a sweet and well-written film that still holds up today. The effects are dated, the stand up video game thing is nostalgic instead of cutting edge but the movie doesn’t feel dated. The reason for this is simply because the filmmakers spent some time crafting a decent story and hired pretty good actors for the time. It’s not Citizen Kane or even The Breakfast Club but for what it is it’s enjoyable, with likeable characters and a really basic human nature good-vs-evil plot.
Like I said, I’m not a fan of the remake when you’re taking classic films and redoing them simply to do it. You can’t remake Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Halloween or Red Dawn or any of those films because they don’t need it. If Hollywood must continue down this path of the remake then learn two lessons. The first is to choose a good film that could be updated not just grab a film with a name and fuck it up to make a buck. Secondly when you do update a movie take some care, write a good script, have good people involved, be kind to the viewers. It may seem like just another film to the Hollywood Bean Counters but to others and myself out there these movies mean a lot.
NEXT WEEK: KRULL
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