In my opinion this was the worst movie ever even conceived of, much less made. In case you’re wondering this is one of Ice Cube’s lesser known bombs. Did he really think playing a biker from Inglewood, CA was a great career move? Here’s the plot courtesy of IMDB:
Biker Cary Ford is framed by an old rival and biker gang leader for the murder of another gang member who happens to be the brother of Trey (Ice Cube), leader of the most feared biker gang in the country. Ford is now on the run trying to clear his name from the murder with Trey and his gang looking for his blood.
Yes, someone read that or something similar and actually gave Joseph Kahn money to make this crap storm of a disaster of a film. Trust me, no one on set did a good job making this film, everyone sucked, from the key grips to the caterers.
Who owes you an apology: Ice Cube
That’s right Mr. America’s most wanted, no one wanted that shit sandwich, but you gave it to us anyway.
Free Willy (1993)
It’s time for us to wake up and realize that kids are retarded (yes even yours, I’ll bet their eating glue at summer camp right now) and don’t know crap about what’s good when it comes to movies. Truly, who made a deal with the devil in order for this disaster to become successful? Here’s the plot:
Fishermen separate a young orca whale (Willy) from his parents and he ends up in a fish bowl at a marina. Meanwhile, a street kid runs afoul of the law and gets caught vandalizing the marina, but his social worker gets him off the hook (so to speak) provided he cleans up his mess at the marina. While there, he befriends the whale and teaches him tricks, something the trainer hasn't been able to do. But when Willy is a dud in front of the audience, the marina owner plans some bad things, and the boy and his friends must try to (*** MAJOR SPOILERS ***) free Willy.
Really? A movie about a boy and his whale?!?!? Who goes to see something like that? Apparently every 9 year old on earth saw this trash back in 93’. My god, how did this film ever get past that retarded poster of the whale almost killing the dumbest little boy on earth?
Who owes you an apology: Keiko the whale
You silly limp dorsal finned bastard, do you know how many family gatherings sucked because we were forced to watch your silly movie with all of my nieces and nephews during dinner? Your crimes are unforgivable!
Hello?!?!? It was a two foot tall doll that could talk! I know what you’re saying, “But this one’s got a knife!” Well dammit put some shoes on before you kick him out of a window. Really how come the guy who proposed this crap didn’t get sent packing? What was it that he or she said that sweetened this god awful deal, one that has us bogged down in awful sequels more than a decade later, for the love of Pete this horse was already dead, in fact it was a toy horse in the first place apparently. Here’s an IMDB synopsis:
When Charles Lee Ray needs to get a quick escape from cops, Mike Norris, he takes his soul and buries it into playful, seemingly good guy doll Chucky. Little does he know a little boy by the name of Andy Barclay will be the new owner of him soon-to-come. Charles confides in Andy while he commits numerous murders. Once the adults catch up to Andy's story as truth, it's too late.
Who owes you an apology: Catherine Hicks
She played young Andy’s completely useless mother who let her ‘latch key kid’ son play with a murderous toy for over 90 minutes, talk about bad parenting.
Halle Berry may have apologized publicly for the Catwoman debacle but she can never be allowed to forget lest she make another attempt. This film made the list just beating out the original Punisher movie for blowing it on an easy one. Here’s our checklist: hot girl, fighting, shooting, partial nudity, explosions, and more fighting. How do you mess up such an easy formula? Here’s the IMDB summary:
Catwoman is the story of shy, sensitive artist Patience Philips (Halle Berry), a woman who can't seem to stop apologizing for her own existence. She works as a graphic designer for Hedare Beauty, a mammoth cosmetics company on the verge of releasing a revolutionary anti-aging product. When Patience inadvertently happens upon a dark secret her employer is hiding, she finds herself in the middle of a corporate conspiracy. What happens next changes Patience forever. In a mystical twist of fate, she is transformed into a woman with the strength, speed, agility and ultra-keen senses of a cat.- -
Had to cut it there, even the synopsis has more crap in it than necessary.
Who owes you an apology: DC Comics
Comic book movies and their epic failures always fall squarely on the shoulders of the company themselves, either for selling away the property for someone else to ruin, or for putting two in the story themselves, which was the case in Catwoman. I just wonder what the brainstorming session was like, was someone in the meeting attempting to ruin the movie on purpose? “Hey guys, I’m bored, let’s take this idea and run it into the f***in’ ground!”
You remember this movie! Don’t pretend like you didn’t see the movie that suggested that rastapharians from another planet would eventually enslave all of humanity, reducing the human race to nothing more than cavemen. Caveman who could easily be taught to fly fighter jets that is! I saw this movie in theaters (no it’s ok, I’m much better after several years of illness) and remember how disturbingly stupid it was from beginning to end, here’s the IMDB synopsis:
In the year 3000, man is no match for the Psychlo's, a greedy, manipulative race of aliens on a quest for ultimate profit. Led by the seductive and powerful Terl (Travolta), the Psychlo's are stripping Earth clean of its natural resources, using the broken remnants of humanity as slaves. What is left of the human race has descended into a near primitive state, believing the invaders to be demons and technology to be evil.
That’s the skinny of it, Travolta and company gave performances that should have had them banned from work for at least five years. Can you believe that not one, but two academy award winners are tied to this garbage?!?!?
Who owes you an apology: Scientology
If scientology hadn’t gotten hold of John Travolta this would have never happened. At least we learned one very important lesson, L. Ron Hubbard books should never be made into films, no matter how good your weird friend tells you they are.
