Greetings, hugely intelligent readers, to another rousing and stimulating round of B-Movies Extended, wherein I, Witney Seibold, and my erstwhile co-host of The B-Movies Podcast (celebrating our 40th week on the air), one William “Bibbs” Bibbiani, will expound with bottomless insight into a topic we merely brush upon in the previous episode.
Seeing as this was a slow release week – the only major release was Tower Heist, and we were afforded no press screenings to it – the only new film we reviewed on the last episode was a German import called Young Goethe in Love. In my review of it, I mentioned that it resembled, very closely, the Miramax period dramas of the mid-1990s. William and I them reminisced on how such films are rare these days. Indeed, frothy, intelligent Miramax period pieces of the mid 1990s were so ubiquitous at one point in film's history that they may almost be deemed a subgenre unto themselves. Such films are still made to this day, but they usually don't get as much U.S. distribution as they once did, being relegated to their countries of origin.
This pondering of the sadly vanished Miramax period film (which I will henceforth dub “FrothFic”) had us thinking about the genres of films that have also sadly passed from the public eye. Films, like all things, tend to move in trends, and certain kinds of movies tend to be historically clumped together. Sometimes a genre will remain, and seems to be everlasting in cinemas. I'm thinking of, say, romantic comedies, horror films, and shoot-'em-ups. Some genres never really go away, but are so sparse, that every time they're released in theaters, critics hail them as a “return.” Musicals and westerns fall into this category. Others only recently found their footing, and we shall have to see if they stay around. Superhero movies, for instance. Some trends we're all glad to see go; I know few hardcore torture porn fans. But some came a while ago, and then passed away when they were no longer bankable, and left a clear memory of quality pictures that we wish would be resurrected.
I have thought of a few subgenres that are no longer being made, and I wish would come back.
THE HAG MOVIE
This is a subgenre that started in 1968 with the wonderfully enjoyable catfight classic Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? starring Joan Crawford and Bette Davis when they were well past their ingénue days. As is well known now, the two actresses hated one another, and the shooting of the film was rife with bitchy conflicts and acid-laced arguments. If there's a biopic waiting to be made, it's the making of this film. Baby Jane, however, was so successful that it launched a brief spate of what are now sometimes called Hag Films. This was a genre marked by over-acting actresses, usually in their fifties or sixties, who were once well-known for their blushing-violet teenage roles, but are now playing ultra-Gothic ghoulish caricatures. Movies like Straight-Jacket and Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte. These films were usually low budget, and the actresses involved were in a new place in their careers. I do not impugn this place, mind you. I admire that some actresses will transform themselves into whatever the job requires. These days, when actresses approach their 60s, but are still well-known, they often transfer to a high-profile TV show on cable. I would love to see someone try to play a murderous mom or a wrathful nanny again. We need rococo soap operas back on the big screen. Jessica Lange needs to spearhead this.
THE SCAVENGER HUNT MOVIE
I have an unreasonable weakness for Stanley Kramer's madcap 1963 epic It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. It's the only instance in film history when slapstick comedy was pushed to such an epic extreme. Other films tried to imitate it, but none came close. If you can make it through all 188 minutes of this thing, you'll feel pleasantly dazed, and you'll have nothing to compare the experience to. And if you know about comedians of the '60s, you'll begin to lose track of how many you recognize. Mad Mad World kicked off one of my favorite subgenres, and one I wish studios would make more of: The Scavenger Hunt Movie. The story of Mad Mad World was essentially an extended chase sequence as dozens of different people attempted to make it across the country to where a treasure was supposedly buried. They would steal cars, boats, hot air balloons, anything they could to make it to the finish line. The race mechanic is such an easy way of manufacturing drama, that, well, you can't help but feel caught up from time to time. Other greats in the subgenre are The Great Race, Million Dollar Mystery, the '80s classic Midnight Madness (which I adore), and the Cannonball Run movies (which are, I admit, kind of shabby). The last time we had a film of this ilk was in 2001 with Rat Race, a funny and underrated film that deserves another watch. I'm a sucker for a good scavenger hunt (there's a reason I smiled all the way through Angels & Demons), and I wish writers would stoop to them more often.
THE WOMEN IN PRISON MOVIE
I could talk endlessly about how exploitation movies have mutated over the years, and how Hollywood co-opted the out-there genre tropes of years past to sell their mainstream, big-budget fare (there was a time when breasts and gore could only be consumed exclusively at drive-ins and grindhouses). I could also endlessly lament about how the cheap, B-movie eye-grabbing gimmicks of the 1960s and 1970s have also been co-opted. There was one B-movie subgenre that was so efficient in its gimmickry, and so bare-faced in its promises that I lament its passing, and wish more would be made: The Women in Prison film. The genre started in earnest in 1971 with Jack Hill's The Big Doll House, where we got to see hot, thin model types, as well as the busty Pam Grier, fight, take drugs, shower, conspire, and commit random acts of violence. There are a few things that a B-movie audience demands. They want violence, perhaps gore (which is optional), they want cheap lurid plots, and they want hot girls in little clothing. The Women in Prison films provided all of those things just in their setup. The rest wrote itself. Domineering lesbian guard? Check. Naked shower scenes? Indeed. Improvised drug application? Sometimes. Hair-pulling catfights? You bet. And, later on in the genre, tender lesbian love scenes. This was a cheap, exploitative genre that could easily pull in cheap dollars from even the most jaded of smuthounds. Lets get some filth back.
THE SPOOF MOVIE
Thanks to the unfortunate machinations of Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg (the makers of films like Epic Movie, Date Movie, and Disaster Movie), the spoof movie has not only been killed, but the body was chemically dissolved in a tub, poured into the trunk of a car, driven out to the woods, and set on fire. Oh sigh. There was a time when spoofs were coming fast and furious, and they were invariably hilarious. The first of this wave was probably Airplane! in 1980, but extended into other Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker glories like Top Secret!, Hot Shots!, and The Naked Gun. I watched spoof movies like this incessantly as a youth, and they, along with MAD Magazine and “Weird Al” Yankovic, warped my humorous sensibility to an untold degree. Even when later spoofs straggled out in the '90s and '00s, I attended in hope. I even chuckled along to Wrongfully Accused and Mafia! Sadly, it was Scary Movie that really sounded the death knell, and spoof movies mutated into a string of gross-out sex gags and stultifying and pointless pop culture references. Some hotshot weirdo needs to step up to take on a spoof again. It's high time they returned.
NEXT: Bibbs wonders if movie genres can ever really die, and laments the passing of teen dramas, con artist movies and more...
