We are now ensconced firmly in the Roger Moore era of James Bond. This also now officially marks my longest foray into The Series Project, my all-in-one analyses of entire movie franchises. The longest franchise I have covered to date has been Star Trek, which, if you count the 2009 J.J. Abrams reboot, numbers at 11 films. With James Bond, though, I have now crossed into 12 films, and I show no signs of stopping. Mark my words, you're getting 25 out of this mother. And this week, we'll have some rocky terrain to cover. Get on your hiking boots, my friends, as James Bond is on the march.
This week, we'll be covering the 9th through the 12th Bond movies, and enter into a new tonal landscape for the franchise. That is to say, a lot sillier, perhaps too self-aware, and strangely beloved. We'll be covering not only the worst in the series to date, but also, dare I say, one of the best. I will also spend a lot of time defending Roger Moore in the role, as he seems to exemplify what we mean when we talk about James Bond. Sean Connery, of course, invented the role, and was possessed of the sexual masculinity that built Bond into such a pop culture powerhouse and the wish-fulfillment hero of millions of men. It was Moore, however, who lent Bond his easygoing unflappability, but without losing the sexual charm that Bond requires. Connery seemed like a horny and above-the-line efficient cop. Moore seems more like an actual spy, and much more comfortable with the increasingly ridiculous situations he finds himself in.
And, trust me, this week things will get plenty ridiculous. In the two previous entries in The Series Project: James Bond (here's Part 1, here's Part 2) I pointed out plenty of times that the action scenes are unrealistic, and the situations are unbelievable. Well, just wait until we get to Moonraker, and we'll have entered an entire new plane of bugnuts goofiness that the series will never see again. Well, maybe until that one with the invisible car and the ice castle.
Our first step into this week's adventure will have us battling a three-nippled sharpshooter with a dwarf butler. Maybe we're starting off on a strange foot.
The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
Directed by: Guy Hamilton
Bond: Roger Moore
Gadgets: An untraceable golden bullet used by the bad guy. A fake rubber nipple (!). That's it. Seriously.
The Babe: Mary Goodnight, played by Britt Ekland
The Bad Guy: Mr. Scaramanga, played by Christopher Lee
Location(s): Macau
Theme Song: Sung by Lulu
Bond Directly Kills: Mr. Scaramanga
WTF Moments: Bond wears a rubber nipple. The bad guy has a third nipple. The bad guy has a holodeck-like funhouse. James Bond actually swallows a naval ring, and recovers it later (ew). James Bond dispatches of a sumo wrestler by tightening his thong. MI-6 lives on a ship that remains at a 45° slant. James Bond fights alongside a pair of karate schoolgirls. In one scene, James promises 20,000 baht to a young boy, and then pushes him into a river rather than pay him. James traps a dwarf in a suitcase. Do James Bond's 1970s leisure suits count as a WTF moment?
By the mid-1970s, action films had evolved into something we recognize today. Looking at films like Goldfinger, you may notice the vast difference in staging, pacing and editing. With The Man with the Golden Gun, you may recognize the actual process that goes into making a modern action sequence. I'm glad I'm watching these in chronological order.
The titular “Man”is Mr. Scaramanga, played by the stentorian Christopher Lee. Mr. Scaramanaga was raised in the circus, and, as a hobby, lures super-criminals into an odd-ball house of mirrors on his remote island mansion and hunts them to the death. He is fond of a large blocky golden gun that fires soft golden bullets. I'm not sure of that would actually work. The soft metal makes for a bullet that cannot be traced, although I'm sure the use of a golden bullet would be a dead giveaway. Mr. Scaramanga employs a dwarf butler, played by Hervé Villechaize. The scenes of these two together give the entire film a wonderfully delirious carnival quality, and make the film often surreal. I could usually only think of the cult 1980 musical Forbidden Zone.
Mr. Scaramanga is also a crack assassin, and the world's most expensive. He was a trickshot champion back in his carnival days, and rarely misses. James Bond has, of course, been hired to investigate a recent assassination, and soon finds himself on the wrong side of Mr. Scaramanga's golden gun. On the way, he accumulates another spy, played by the pretty and brick-headed Britt Ekland. You'll find that, with only a few exceptions, the famous Bond Girls are all supernaturally gorgeous, and few of them can actually act. Britt Ekland seems like a clumsy spy who wants to bed James but ends up having to hide in closets a lot, just like in a Three's Company episode. Later in the film, when she's been (inevitably) kidnapped by Mr. Scaramanga, he forces her to wear a bikini. “I like a woman in a bikini,” he says, “they cannot hide any weapons.” Why do I take so much pleasure in hearing Christopher Lee say the word “bikini?”
There's also an ancillary babe, in the form of Maud Adams, who plays Mr. Scaramanga's moll, and who was the evil witch matron in Initiation: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4. She'll get shot in the chest. Maud Adams, curiously enough, will return in Octopussy. We'll have to wait to see if she plays the same character.
What else? There's a creepy statue garden scene, wherein the statues come to life and attack James Bond. There's also a reappearance by Clifton James, reprising his role of the sh*t-kicking redneck cop from Live and Let Die. Did the filmmakers actually think this character was entertaining? Does James Bond, often considered the bastion of class and charm, really need a chimp sidekick like this obnoxious tobacco-chomping hick? He was bad enough in the last film, but they brought him back. The Bond films are not really known for their continuity, so perhaps we should be grateful when we get a recurring character like Sheriff J.W. Pepper. But, man it stung to watch that guy. I've taken a brief look over Clifton James' filmography, and he has played a hick sheriff several times, including in an episode of The Dukes of Hazzard. If you wanted some Good Ol' Boy white trash in your James Bond film, your wish has been granted.
I have to admit, a lot of the details of this film are vanishing from my mind. Through this film and the next one, I almost feel like I've hit a James Bond wall. The stories, as I have indicated in the past, are totally inconsequential to a James Bond film, as they are largely defined by their locations and their bad guys. Around this film, the 9th in the series, I found myself going a little cross-eyed.
Luckily, we have the bugnuts weirdness of the wacky three-nippled villain, Britt Ekland in a bikini, and Hervé Villechaize tooling around the margins. His character, by the way, is naked Nick-Nack. By the time James has boated to Mr. Scaramanga's funhouse hideaway, and begins having an elaborate shootout with him, I was interested again. Mr. Scaramanga has been building a super-laser, by the way. Can't be a rich eccentric three-nippled ex-circus assassin without a superlaser.
My hazy indifference will reach an unfortunate surge with the 10th James Bond film. Onto...
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