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In honor of Fathers Day, we here at CraveOnline have decided to honor dad by listing the toughest, meanest S.O.B.’s to ever have children. If your ‘father and son’ picnic is ever attacked by alien invaders, killer ninja’s, or imperial Storm Troopers, don’t worry, as long as one of these dad’s is on the scene everything will be okay.

10. Athos (The Man in the Iron Mask)

It’s rare that a hero gets to retire, even more rare that a hero gets to retire without suffering some sort of debilitating injury or maiming. Athos was one such hero, until that jerk man-child Leonardo DiCaprio decided to off his son. Didn’t the king know who that guy’s father was? Apparently not as he was forced to witness dear old dad show up to the garrison unarmed and begin taking his men apart one by one. And was he killed? No, the kings dad had to come down there and calm his friend. Now that’s hard.  

9. Captain Steven Hiller (Independence Day)

Captain Steve Hiller could have been at a BBQ, sipping lemonade, and talkin’ sexy to Vivica Fox. But no, instead he has to fight an invading alien army using inferior technology. Man, those aliens were such jerks, attacking the whole world on the most American of holidays. They should have known they were gonna fail, after all the humans had the guy from Jurassic Park on their side.  

8. Doug (The Hills Have Eyes)

I don’t have kids, but I’m pretty sure that if mutated… mutants! From the desert hills started attacking me and my family, those little jerks would be on their own (don’t worry, if you survive, you can make more kids that look just like the ones eaten by radioactive mutants) and I would get the heck out of dodge. Luckily those kids had Doug and his trusty dog, who came back from a terrible ass whoopin’ before exacting revenge and saving his remaining family.

7. Roger Murtaugh (Lethal Weapon)

This dad was already too old for this shit when we met him and he was hard then. He then continued to be hard for like three more movies. Jet Li would have been the first bad guy to win in a franchise movie if it wasn’t for Murtaugh on the scene serving knuckle sandwiches in bunches. Sergeant Murtaugh had time to shoot fleeing perpetrators and teach his son to shave.  He was even open minded enough to let ‘Pookie’ from New Jack City date his daughter. What a guy!

6. Jacob Fuller (From Dusk Till Dawn)

Raise your hand if your father sacrificed himself to blood thirsty vampires so that you could live. I’ll wait… nobody? Wow. That’s how cool Jacob Fuller was, and they weren’t even his biological kids. Nevertheless he fought hard to the last against a never ending wave of vampires, with only scrawny Quentin Tarantino and the worst Batman ever as back up, and how much help can a guy named ‘Sex Machine’ really be when it comes to fighting vampires?

5. John McClane (Die Hard)

Take his shoes, see if he cares, break glass everywhere and act like the worst bunch of European tourists Los Angeles has ever seen, it won’t bother him. Not when he has a wife and child to get home to. Prepare to be shot, stabbed, blown up, and beat the f**k up by a short, irritable, balding Caucasian man who doesn’t know the meaning of the word quit, probably because you said in the wrong language Hans!

4. John Matrix (Commando)

All John Matrix wanted was a quiet life for he and his daughter. Is it his fault that things aren’t going well in South America?  Was he really the only one that had the skills to single handedly assassinate a foreign President? And if he was the only one with that kind of skill, do you really want to kidnap his daughter? If he can kill a president, he’d make short work of the  dad from ‘Clueless’.  This dad was so tough that grenades can fall mere feet away from and do him no harm.  Who else can slaughter a small army of south American mercenaries (that all somehow made it through customs) with his daughter in tow?

3. William Munny (Unforgiven)

Just a simple hog farmer…yeah right! His kids had no idea who their dad was. Unfortunately Gene Hackman found out too late, as it finally dawned on him that messing with William Munny was a bad idea as he stared down the business end of a shotgun. How many kids can say that their dad killed just about everything that walked or crawled at one time or another. Plus if their worried about reputation, they can also say that their dad made a fortune in dried goods.

2. Lone Wolf (The Shogun Assassin)

If that kid had picked the ball instead  of the sword this movie could have worked out quite differently. The death of his wife was the straw that broke the camels back and sent him on a country wide killing spree. Not only was this ‘lone wolf’ a tough as nails dad, but how many dads killed so many of the Shoguns henchman that a member of the Wu-Tang Clan was inspired to sample his voice. He also got his kid into the action by turning his carriage into a mobile weapon! He get’s number two on our list simply by the amassed body count.

1. Darth Vader (Star Wars)

Yeah, he was scary as all get out, but who doesn’t want to say, “You’d better back off! Darth Vader is my dad!” Darth Vader gave up everything for his son, even his life. But not before taking his boy out back and chopping his friggin’ hand off! Talk about tough love, it takes a special kind of dad to torture his daughter, freeze her boyfriend in a strange liquid metal, and chuck VCR’s at his son before chucking him out a window. What a guy, he even got electrocuted to death to save his boy. Vader has to be this lists toughest dad, just because he subjugated an entire galaxy before he was fifty. Top that Cosby!

Happy Fathers  Day.