By The Most Pissed-Off Dude In The World

It only took them 2 ½ years from launch to get around to it, but Nintendo finally figured a work-around to the Nintendo Wii’s storage problem, utilizing the SD card slot on the back of the machine.

Yeah, that one... The one that's been sitting there, doing nothing all this time. No longer will you have to delete and reload your Virtual Console games, now you can play them right of an SD card up to 32 gigs! Hey! Whoop-de freakin'-doo! Once again, Nintendo has provided you with a potentially costly way to fix an inconvenient problem that they themselves are responsible for creating in the first place!


Nintendo president Satoru Iwata says: "Buy some more of our shit!"

Now if you’re like me, you probably already sold your Wii because there are no games for it. And the only good thing about it was the Virtual Console, which it had become such a pain in the ass to manage with 512 MB of memory that you sold it. So you’re probably thinking: “Jesus H. f**king Christ man, the goddamn SD card slot has always been built into the machine what took them so long?!” But had you not sold it, you might say, “Let the past stay in the past”, and moved on and been stoked. And then you would buy a Nintendo-approved memory card for double what it should cost, finally bringing your grand total of ridiculous Wii peripheral devices into double digits. You sucker.

I hate to rag on the Nintendo Wii so much but goddamn, never in my life have I witnessed such shameless pandering to old people and non-gamers. It’s almost not even worth covering anymore. It’s like an infomercial gadget that only adds necessary features when sales start to slow, not when they are needed. So great job for finally figuring that one out Nintendo, but you can still eat all of the dicks.


Pretty cool, but give me FFVI and We'll really be in business...

In other Nintendo news, Square/Enix is developing a handful of exclusive Final Fantasy Wii Ware titles including “Final Fantasy IV: The After Years”, “Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a Darklord” and even a port of the original NES Final Fantasy. Which sounds awesome. Kinda makes me wish I didn’t already lay my Nintendo Wii off for under-performance last quarter!