.jpg) By Jeremy Azevedo | This year was one of the best, if not the best year in gaming history. I probably spent more hours playing games this year than I did eating, sleeping and sh**ting combined. |
1. Fallout 3 (Multi-Platform)
This game has caused significant damage to my relationship and personal life, my sleep cycle and my Xbox, which had to be shipped to Microsoft this morning for repair due to overheating. It’s like a substance abuse problem cleverly disguised as a digital media disc. Even so, I can’t wait to start over from scratch and play through the game all over again with a different moral affinity and skill set. Everything about this game is near legendary in it’s execution, and the story kept me playing late into the night for like two months straight. Even so, I only managed to discover maybe 75% of the available people, places and things in the Wasteland. If you don’t have this game yet, get it. If you already have this game, play it again.
2. Rock Band 2/Guitar Hero World Tour (Multi-Platform)
I don’t care which one of these two games you like better, I’m tired of hearing you f**king nerds argue about it on the message boards to be perfectly honest. They are both pretty much the same game by the same programmers with only slightly different set lists. I happen to like them both quite a bit, as I have always wanted to play in a band but am too lazy and/or untalented to learn an instrument. Now I can have parties where I don’t even need to entertain people because all they want to do is fight over what song to play next and who is going to sing or play drums or whatever. Win!
3. Fable 2 (Xbox 360)
For all its promises, Fable 2 delivered a world only about half as alive as that of GTAIV and a protagonist only about half as customizable as that of Fallout 3. What it did have, however, was combat that was far superior to both of those games combined. It also had one of the most beautiful worlds in all of gaming in which to engage in said combat. Fable 2 is deeper and more fun than nearly any action RPG I have ever played, and not just because it lets me have a totally rad dog and get away with murder by paying a fine or agreeing to murder someone else on the behalf of the townspeople. (Although that certainly had quite a bit to do with my overall enjoyment of the game.) Bonus points are awarded for every time I bludgeoned some wench in the gulliver just for sassing me, bought her house or place of business for a bargain price, jacked up the rent on it and generally raped the economy for my own selfish gain. It’s like a Republican Party campaign contributor simulator! F yeah!
4. Grand Theft Auto IV (Multi-Platform)
If you can get past the annoyingly frequent phone calls from your needy friends and clingy girlfriends, and once you get the hang of taking a cab everywhere because it takes like 20 goddamn minutes to drive across town, what you end up with is the best entry in an already classic series. The story of GTA IV is on par with Hollywood gangster classics like “Scarface”, “Goodfellas” and “Carlito’s Way”. It’s that excellent. Not only that, but the level of detail is incredible… NPCs carry groceries home, talk on cell phones, engage each other in conversation, work on their cars and even react differently to your character when you carjack or otherwise interact with them. Additionally, Niko Bellic, with his Eastern Bloc style, pudgy belly, sunken eyes and unshaven stubble is the most decidedly ethnic protagonist since Mario, which I think really enhances the genre of world class gangbanging murder simulations.
5. No More Heroes (WII)
I realize I am one of probably like twelve people that ever actually played this game, but that doesn’t make it any less rad. No More Heroes had more style and ingenuity than most games out there, especially the games on the Wii. If you own a Wii and have been pissing and moaning about how there are no good hardcore games available for it, you have no excuse for not owning this game already. Splitting enemies in half with your lightsaber, showering the screen with fountains of blood and “recharging the battery” by furiously jacking your Wiimote in real life never gets old. Plus, you save the game by taking a dump (this time in the game and not in real life… though I suppose you could do both if you had either a TV in your bathroom or a toilet in your living room). I swear I am not making that up.
6. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (PS3)
MGS4 was one of the most long awaited and insanely hyped games of the year, maybe even the decade. But did it live up to the hype? The hell if I know… I can’t afford a goddamn PS3, man, those things are still like four or five hundred crispies! (You can keep your Blu-Ray player, Sony, I really couldn’t care less about the image quality of my “Karate Kid” and “Big Trouble in Little China” DVDs.) But I’m told that yeah, it turned about pretty freakin’ sweet by my friend that receives a monthly trust fund stipend that’s worth more than my yearly salary. Also, it’s a known fact that Snake has a totally bitchen’ mustache in this sequel.
7. Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360)
Gears of War 2 is like the David Lee Roth of video games. It doesn’t care about all that artsy bullcrap, it just wants to look good and party. F**kin’ A, man. Nothing wrong with that. GOW2 is easily the shooter of the year, with big, dumb action that satisfies the bloodlust of many a gamer, whether alone or in packs. Plus there is a gun with a chainsaw on it, and if you don’t think that’s pretty cool, than maybe you’d be better suited to a different hobby. Like stamp collecting or animal husbandry or something wussy like that.
8. Little Big Planet (PS3)
.jpg)
I’m just going to come right out and say it: Little Big Planet has single-handedly brought back traditional platform gaming from the dead. How did it manage this task? Well, by empowering users to create upload and share their own handmade levels of course. Levels that contain lots and lots of dick-shaped objects, dick-shaped enemies and dick-shaped dicks. You’re doing a great job, future game level designers of the world!
9. Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii)
.jpg)
Honestly, I fail to see how this game is any different from the previous Gamecube and N64 editions. And honestly, I couldn’t care less. Nintendo may be sucking donkey balls in terms of software right now, but at least they got this little piece of masturbatory fan-service right. The inclusion of Sonic the Hedgehog and Solid Snake amid a roster of fighters that includes Mario, Link, Samus, Kid Icarus and the fat astronaut guy from Pikmin is like a Nintendo fanboys most salacious fanfic dream brought to life. Hell, even the notoriously shitty Wii Music would have moved units in the hundreds of thousands had it included a character roster like this.
10. Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix (XBLA, PSN)
SSF2THDR is the definitive version of Street Fighter 2. I know we’ve all heard that one before, but this time I think we can all finally accept it as fact. In addition to having the longest name of any game ever made, SSF2THDR combines the best aspects of the original genre-defining fighter with modern, HD graphics and animation. The result is like a beautiful, living, breathing dorkfest that’s well worth the $15 barrier of entry.
Top 20 games that didn’t make the top 10, which, I suppose makes them the bottom 20 of the top 30 or something. Either way, these games were pretty good too:
Resistance 2 (PS3)
The World Ends With You (DS)
Mario Kart Wii (Wii)
Soul Calibur IV (Multi-Platform)
Castlevania: Order Of Ecclesia (DS)
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 (PS2)
Dead Space (Multi-Platform)
Prince of Persia (Multi-Platform)
Devil May Cry 4 (Multi-Platform)
NBA 2K9 (Multi-Platform)
Mirror’s Edge (Multi-Platform)
God of War: Chains of Olympus (PSP)
Braid (XBLA)
Chrono Trigger DS (DS)
Spore (Multi-Platform)
Boom Blox (Wii)
Crisis Core: Final Fantasy (PSP)
Mega Man 9 (XBLA, PSN, Wii Virtual Console)
Madden NFL 09 (Multi-Platform)
Left 4 Dead (Multi-Platform)
Tagged:
