It's the season of love and, if you're single, by now you're probably sick to death of hearing about people in relationships. Worse still, you're now about to read a list featuring loved-up video game characters. Even pixels are getting more action than you are.
Here are the five best romances in video game history. We're sure you'll find someone, some day.
Ethan and Madison
When you're in a relationship you often look past each others misgivings, such as him leaving the toilet seat up, her irritating laugh or, in the case of Heavy Rain's Madison and Ethan, him potentially being a serial killer. Yes, despite Ethan Mars being hunted by the police as the prime suspect of a series of child murders, Madison somehow looks past that in the name of love. Aww.
Mario and Bowser
Did you really think that Bowser had a soft spot for Princess Peach all these years? In actuality, Bowser is a masochist who kidnaps Princess Peach because he knows that Mario will come rescue her and, in the process, deal the Koopa King a ritual ass-kicking. Mario obliges, of course, but we suspect that his motives may be a little more perverse than simply saving the Mushroom Kingdom. He's been swinging Bowser around by his tail/dropping him into lava for 25 years now, but there's still no evidence to suggest that his and the Princess's relationship is anything more than platonic, which leads us to believe that Mario is a sadist who gets his jollies from inflicting punishment upon a giant turtle/dragon thing.
Those Scalf-Wearing Things
Nameless and voiceless, those scalf-wearing things from Journey share a bond in their, erm, journey, despite not actually being able to properly communicate with each other. Showing each other hidden items and alerting each other to the presence of enemies whilst continuing on their adventure to the top of the mountain, the relationship between these two little buggers is a formidable one and, if you imagine their growing scalfs to be phallic symbols, it's also pretty homoerotic.
Master Chief and Cortana
The sex is probably difficult, but Master Chief and Cortana's relationship ticks all of the other boxes. Until Halo 4 informed us that we didn't "Finish the Fight" in Halo 3, we were left thinking that the Chief was going to spend the rest of his days floating around space with just a hologram for company. The thing is, he didn't seem all too concerned that that was going to be the case, probably because it afforded him some alone time with Cortana and her bodacious blue bod. It's difficult to elude to what happened on the Forward Unto Dawn, but we bet that the Chief's gun-holding arm was stronger than ever in Halo 4.
Link and Zelda
It seems that most marriages end in divorce these days, but Link and Zelda's relationship has not only endured the test of time, it has endured the test of several different times.
The Legend of Zelda's timeline is complicated but there is one overarching theme – Link is forever destined to rescue Princess Zelda, and he does so with great enthusiasm. Most couples are sick of the sight of each other after a few months, but Link and Zelda share a bond that has lasted for thousands of years. We bet it's something to do with his Master Sword.
Paul Tamburro is the UK Editor of Crave Online. Follow him on Twitter @PaulTamburro
