Let me just start off by saying that I’m probably the last person who should be reviewing a Star Wars game, least of all a Battlefront game. You see, I’ve never played any of the previous Battlefront games and unlike other virgins my age, I never really bought into the whole Star Wars thing. I mean it’s great if you like incest, talking animals, and alliances of federal empire rebellion force embargo treaty mind tricks, but other than that what have you got? Now I understand I’m in the tiniest of percentiles here and despite my ho-hum view of the Star Wars universe I have played other Star Wars titles like Shadows of the Empire, Rogue Squadron, Episode I Racer, Lego Star Wars, and Yoda Stories, and enjoyed them all to varying degrees except for the last one which made me pass stool through my pee hole. Having said that I am a gamer and my following review will be based on the gameplay and less on how sabery the lights are.
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As far as the story goes can we all just agree it takes place during many of the films’ most memorable events, in many of the films’ most memorable locations, with some of the films’ most memorable characters. You play as one of two handsome clones named X1 and X2 (ugh). When X2 (you) learns that he and X1 will be tasked to lead a Jedi extermination rally, he decides he’s had enough of the Empire’s anti-Jedi agenda and decides to go AWOL and help the Jedi survive this galactic game of cat and mouse. This betrayal of the Empire really pisses X1 off and he vows to track you down and make you pay for your defiance by smelling his finger…or something like that. Like I said the whole Star Wars storyline is garbled and ridiculous to me but you get the set up here.
As X2 you will fight the good fight by land and by air and someplace in between. This is a top down shooter for the most part. It feels much like Commando and Gauntlet in it’s presentation. You run from one end of the level to the next dispatching droids, storm troopers, and droids with guns of varying strengths and usefulness. There are four character classes you can assign X2 to best suit your needs in the fire fights ahead. Each class has a primary weapon, a sub weapon, and a special weapon and skill. The thing is most of these are pointless variations that you will never use. The whole class system is more of a nuisance than a treat. The thing is once you find the gun you like, I was into the heavy class rail shooter, you can pretty much blast through the entire game with it. I wouldn’t even mind that except there may be a time when you have to hack a computer to open a door so you are required to find a class change booth, switch to spy class, find the computer, hack it by holding down X (no mini game here? huh?), run back to the booth to change back to your preferred class, and proceed forward. This would be considered bad design even in a galaxy far, far, away.
The on foot missions for the most part are pretty bland and never require thought or dexterity. This game is far too easy. If you advance just enough so the enemies just come into view you can stop and simply mow ‘em down and they won’t even notice you. If you do happen to get zinged by a laser there are health regeneration pods around every corner. I never felt a sense of desperation or urgency throughout the entire game. Even the boss fights in the game require little more than running laps around your adversary while holding down on the fire button. They do try to add some strategy to these boss battles by requiring you to, for instance, use explosions to stun the enemy before you run around him firing aimlessly. That’s strategy you can take to the bank…in space!
Of course a Star Wars game wouldn’t be a Star Wars game without aerial combat and Battlefront has got your back. Several stages require you to hop in the cockpit of an X-wing or a TIE Fighter, have a nerdgasm, and complete tasks such as gunning down a specified number of enemy aircraft or destroying all the turrets on an enemy space station. The problem is on the DS’s small screen it’s impossible to make anything out! It’s just looks like a puddle of God’s vomit and you’re wildly firing your weapons into it hoping to hit the crunch berries! This becomes even more bothersome when you start taking damage and you can’t even see who’s laser is humping you! You know one of those flickering pixels is your enemy, but which one? This is the one part of the game I was really looking forward to but it is sadly the game’s biggest disappointment.
I didn’t get a chance to try out the game’s multiplayer option as, much as I imagine many people playing this game, I don't not have any friends. My dog was starring at me while I played if that counts. I know this all sounds negative but this isn’t entirely a bad game. If you go into it expecting a deep, customizable, challenge heavy game you will be let down much as I am every time I look into my pants. But if you want a mindless arcade style action game set in the Star Wars universe to pass the time than Battlefront just may be the game for you. It has decent graphics and sound effects and mixes up the action often enough to keep you thinking the game is bigger than it really is.
CraveOnline Rating: 6 out of 10
