Grandad getting smashed and pimpin' hoes back int he good ol' days.

The first and most awesome part of blending a fine Scottish whiskey is the tasting part. Before us were stacked 8 different bottles of regional Scottish whiskey that each had their own unique flavors and characteristics. Each one was produced in a different part of the country and with a different process, resulting in a wide range of flavors that could at times be more or less smoky, and more or less smooth. I mistakenly read the word “smoky” as “short”, which got big laughs from those assembled at the table with me. Little did they know that I would have the last laugh when my whiskey turned out to be the most delicious blend since chocolate and peanut butter, since celebrities and reality television, since wrestling and soap operas!


Me, hard at work crafting the most delicious whiskey blend in the known universe.

Like a mad scientist, I carefully measured out a formula based on the unique characteristics of the various whiskey stocks. To the uneducated tongue, they probably all tasted quite similar to one another, but this was not my tongue’s first rodeo with whiskey, and as a result, I was able to concoct what Andrew Ford referred to as “A very sensible blend”. (…Before having his minions photograph my secret recipe and send it back to the lab for analysis, no doubt!) The experience gave me a greater appreciation for what Johnnie Walker is and how it’s made. If you are a whiskey drinker, I urge you to pick up a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label Centenary Edition, pour yourself a little glass with a “water back” and enjoy one for all your hard work, reading articles like this one while you’re at the office pretending to be working!

Two of the best whisky varietals on the market.

The Johnnie Walker Black Label Centenary Pack is available now and retails for around 50 crispies. The Jeremy Azevedo Limited Luxury Edition is also available in my bathtub and retails for 10 American dollars, 5 if you bring your own jar!