By Jeremy Azevedo

Last week I had the distinct pleasure of attending a single malt Scotch whisky tasting with Edward “Dirt” Adams, Master of Whisky for the luxury Classic Malts Selection brand.

Classic Malts were showing off their latest releases for the holidays, and I was more than happy to help them out by soaking up a few samples. After I had given up on trying to guess whether Dirt was a Scottish dude with an American accent or an American dude with a Scottish accent, I began to wonder what kind of people would enjoy these fine single malts that I tasted?

To make things easier, I’ve included a picture of the celebrity that each single malt made me think of, in case any of you are illiterate, or too drunk to read the accompanying text. That way, no one feels left out!

Dalwhinnie Distillers Edition



Who is it for?

Dalwhinnie is somewhat sweet, somewhat creamy, and somewhat smoky. In no way does it really tip the scale one way or the other. Dalwhinnie is a smooth, easygoing malt for a consumer that expects excellence, but doesn’t necessarily want to take any risks. It also bears mentioning that when combined with smoky almonds, Dalwhinnie tastes just like bacon. So if you don’t like bacon, then you should probably not eat smoky almonds while drinking this. You should also get a cat scan, because clearly, something is wrong with your brain. Bacon is delicious!

Oban 14



Who is it for?

Oban is one of the oldest Scotch whisky distilleries in the world. It also exists in a particularly unique location, nestled between the coast and the highlands, that is nearly impossible to reproduce. Oban 14 has a slight orange flavor that tastes a bit like Grand Marnier, except not all syrupy and lame. Oban 14 is great for fancy dandies that don’t mind a little fruitiness in their Scotch. Which sounds like an oxymoron, I know. However, those of you who are willing to break the mold of the bearded, salty old dogs drinking Scotch straight with no water, on a bearskin rug that you tell everyone that you killed with your bare hands (but actually bought on eBay), then you will discover that Oban 14 is one of the most unique and wonderful single malts on the market today.