Unless you've been in a coma for the past few months, you're well aware by now that Twitter is taking over the internet universe at blinding speeds,140 characters at a time. Having singlehandedly put the term "microblogging" on the map, at only 3 years old Twitter is on the rise in a meteoric way. Soaring past 14 million users, the service grew 131 percent during the month of March alone, and shows no sign of slowing. Oprah just joined on Friday, and the event was covered like the Olympic opening ceremonies. Her draw alone could very well double their numbers.

But what the almighty hell is this thing? An online bird-watching club? Obviously, no. It's the perfect place to send quick little snippets of information about what you're doing, what interests you or what's got your attention at any given time. It's hyper-networking in ways that make Facebook and MySpace look agonizingly slow and segmented by comparison. Consider it Instant Messaging with the world, with the ability to tap in to the collective consciousness of millions and millions of people around the world in real time, without agenda, without censorship, without a filter or middleman.

In other words, it's the future of the internet, and if you're not on board, you damn well better get there.

After you study up on how to use Twitter, you'll need to think about what you'll say. Presentation is everything in Twitterland. In the meantime, here's just a couple terms you need to familiarize yourself with right off the bat:

Tweet(s) - This is what you do on Twitter. Your 140 character bursts of unfathomable awesome are called "tweets," and while it's not a term you want to be throwing around at the gym, you damn well better get used to it. If it's good enough for Oprah, it's good enough for you.

The "@" sign - This little symbol is your conversational keymaster. Put this in front of the twitter name of the person you are trying to send a tweet to. If you click the little reply button next to a tweet, you don't have to type the symbol. Whenever a person’s name is preceded by a @ symbol, that means that the sentence (tweet) that follows is directed at them.

The "#" sign - This is called a hashtag. Hashtags were designed to serve the real-time news community, a community-driven feature that enables you to submit your conversation to a broader scope of viewers, like tag clouds on blogs and Flickr. Create a hashtag simply by prefixing a word with a hash symbol. For instance: when discussing the mind-shattering beauty of singing sensation Susan Boyle, you may want to add #TVStars or #Horseface to the end of your tweet.

Following - When you click the little "follow" button under someone's name on Twitter, you're essentially subscribing to that person's Twitter feed. Their tweets will appear on your page, along with those of all the others that you follow.

#followfriday - This weekly tradition is an everybody-wins love-fest where people recommend various people they're following, followed by the #followfriday hashtag. It's a great way to gain new followers and show some love to your existing twitter followers.

Direct Message (DM) - Direct Messages work the same way messages do in Facebook or MySpace - it's basically email in 140 characters, and your DM space is like a Twitter inbox. Only you can see them - DMs are completely private. You can't DM someone unless they're following you, so don't get any big ideas about finally getting some one-on-one time with Kevin Smith.

Twitter Search - Just like it sounds. A perfect way to track down like-minded people on Twitter. For the millions that play along, tweeters and topics a'plenty can be found in whatever area that interests you. Want to find people with the same lunatic political beliefs as you? Just head to the search page, type in your poli-poison of choice and see what comes up. You'd be amazed at the amount of people out there who are just as crazy as you.

WeFollow.com -WeFollow is a fantastic service that enables you to place yourself in three separate Twitter group categories, where like-minded people can find and follow you - and vice-versa. For instance, if you're an MMA fighter with a love for anime and an encyclopedic knowledge of every player in the WNBA, you'd hit up WeFollow, click "add yourself" (upper right corner), plug in your login info and add yourself under Anime, MMA and WNBA. From that point on, when people do a search for any of those terms, your account will come up on the list. That tells the person that you're into the same bizarre stuff that they are, and they'll be more inclined to follow you.

Tinyurl.com - 140 characters may seem like a lot at first, but try adding a link, and you'll quickly find yourself in the negatives. URL-shortening sites like TinyUrl and Tinycc come in extremely handy when you're recommending links and still have something to say about it (which you should - never drop blind links). Just hit the site, paste the long domain and the site will convert it into a 25-characters-or-less shortened link. A godsend.

Retweet (RT) - Last but certainly not least, RT'ing is the key to networking and broader appeal. The Twitter network relies upon people sharing info and wisdom with one another openly. The recent Amazon "glitch" fiasco caught real fire on Twitter before standard media even took notice. By the time most news feeds had picked up the story, most people in Twitterland already knew the score.

If someone tweets something that interests you and you feel it would interest your followers, you retweet it for your readers. It essentially quotes that person’s tweet and gives them the credit, so people can see the tweet and follow that person if the info is blindingly amazing.

Example:

Think of it as forwarding an email to everyone in your network - except these forwards won't usually tend to get you blacklisted from someone's contact list (unlike that time you RickRoll'd everybody at work with an email titled "mass companywide layoffs"). You might have only 20 followers, which means that only 20 people are exposed to the blazing nuggets of impeccable wisdom you impart. But if one of your followers has 5,000 followers him/herself, and RT's your tweet, you've suddenly got 5,000 new sets of eyes on what you're saying.

How to RT - Copy the text of the tweet you like, making sure to pay attention to the user that you are copying from. Then scroll up to your text entry box at the top, and begin your tweet with "RT @username: " then paste your copied text. Submit and you're done! It's really pretty simple. The best part? You can delete your tweet and try again if you screw up (the little trashcan next to your tweets).

Alright - so now you've got the basics. It's time to get Tweetin'. Make sure you check out our Twitter Do's & Don'ts if you're new to the system, so you're not left tweeting into the void, nobody listening, nobody caring...