Ever since Mystery and his guy-liner first graced our televisions with VH1’s The Pickup Artist, men have been trying PUA-guaranteed moves on unsuspecting women in droves. The only problem? We’re on to you, and surprise: what works for some dude in goggles with a camera crew behind him ain’t working for you. The creepster moves to give up:
The Move: Peacocking
You are bold. You are confident. You are irresistible to women. You are...mimicking a large pheasant bird with colorful feathers. Peacocking, in the pickup artist community, refers to dressing to stand out, often by donning one bold, conversation-starter item.
Why It Doesn’t Work: There's a thin line between being the guy in the sexy leather jacket and being the guy who looks like he gets dressed in the Ricky’s Halloween clearance bin . And remember, real style is in the foundation as much as the details: If your night-out attire is sponsored by Ed Hardy, it won’t matter what you throw on top of it. Missing the style gene? Ask for a female friend’s input.
The Move: Ignoring
This one is self-explanatory and according to pickup artists, works when you’re chatting up a woman in a group of her friends. The genius plan? Ignore the girl you’re into and chat up her friend—preferably the least good-looking of the bunch—and her sense of jealousy and competition will do the rest.
Why It Doesn't Work: Gin on the rocks gives us short attention spans. Ignore her for too long and by the time you think you've got her right where you want her, she'll be making out with the bouncer. Besides, the kind of woman who will throw yourself at you because she’s jealous of her friend will probably be the type to set fire to your comic book collection when you call to say you’re “working late” twice in one week.
The Move: Negging
It’s the adult (or man-child) equivalent of pulling a girl’s ponytail on the playground when you like her. Pickup artists swear by the technique: make her feel like she wants to win your approval by serving up a delicious compliment with a side of insult.
Why It Doesn't Work: This worked back in 2007, but now, "Wow, you have such a weird laugh! Not weird in a bad way." is more transparent than your fear of women. Teasing, when done right, is charming...but having the balls to genuinely compliment a woman is a sign of real confidence—and real confidence works.
The Move: The C-Shaped Smile
Perhaps one of the most bizarre things pickup artists have come up with, this move consists of telling a woman she has a C-, not U-shaped smile. A C-shaped smile is a wider smile, full of pearly whites.
Why It Doesn't Work: Babbling on about some non-sensical c-shaped smile business makes you sound either dumb or loony. At best, you’ll come off like a creep. Are you a dentist? Stop staring at my teeth, dude.
