By Nathan Jordan
|Rob Sleazak has been the IT manager at the Playboy Mansion for a little over three years. Nathan Jordan recently sat down with him at Crave Online headquarters to ask him all about his experiences working at the infamous estate.|
Nathan Jordan: Thank you for joining me today. Did you get the flowers I sent?
Rob Sleazak: Um. Yeah. Thank you. My wife enjoyed them very much.
NJ: So Crave Online readers are dying to know, what exactly do you do at the Playboy mansion?
RS: Well, I basically do upkeep on the computer systems and the networks. You know, fix any bugs. Keep up network security. Check for viruses.
RS: Yes, computer viruses.
NJ: Computer viruses? And what are those?
RS: Uhhh, programs designed to infect and disable a computer…
NJ: Interesting. Let me write that down….
RS: Excuse me. I’m sorry. I’m just not quite sure why you’re interviewing me. I mean, I appreciate the interest, I guess, but I’m really just normal guy. Really, my job’s not that exciting.
NJ: My readers are concerned about these…. “computer viruses.” That’s exciting stuff, Rob. Say, what do you bench, 200? 300?
RS: I don’t really work out….
NJ: Well you can’t tell. Hey, listen. The guys and I are hanging out tonight at a local bar to watch sporting events on television. Perhaps you’d like to join us.
Rob showing me some stuff that he does. Me trying to stay awake.
RS: Thanks, but my wife and I are having dinner with her parents tonight.
NJ: Really? Where?
RS: El Cholo.
NJ: No kidding! I’m supposed to have dinner there too, after the sporting events are finished, of course. Maybe I’ll see you there. We can discuss the statistics of your favorite team.
RS: Or, you know, we might go somewhere else…. Listen, can we get back to the interview? This is becoming kind of weird.
NJ: Oh, yeah. Of course, man. Just tell your wife, Lindsey, I said “hi.”
RS: I’m not going to do that. And how do you know her name?
NJ: Let’s see… where were we? Flowers… check. What you do… check. Ah. Here we are… Have you ever seen two girls making out in the Playboy mansion, and if so can you describe it in vivid detail for our readers?
NJ: Wait, let me get the tape recorder going here….
RS: Look man, I don’t see anything. I’m there for only like 20 hours a week early in the morning. I’ve never seen Hugh Hefner, and the Playboy bunnies must all be asleep because I never see them either. I don’t go to the parties…
NJ: With each other?
NJ: The Playboy bunnies. They’re sleeping with each other?
RS: Okay, that’s it. I’m out of here.
Playboy security denied our request for a press pass.
NJ: Wait! Rob! Maybe we can hang out sometime. You could get me into the Playboy mansion. They’re not returning my phone calls.
RS: No. I’m not getting you into the Playboy mansion.
NJ: I can get you a discount at Border’s. I have a card.
RS: You’re a freak. Wait a second. Is that a video camera?
NJ: What? Huh?
RS: Underneath that sweatshirt.
NJ: Oh that. Someone must have left that here.
RS: You’re sick man! Sick!
NJ: Hey! That camera cost somebody a lot of money, you can’t just throw it to the ground like that! I only want to be your friend, Rob! Rob? Rob! Come back! Rooooobbbbbb!!!!!!!!!