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This Week In Tweets – 5.06 – The Bin Laden Edition

We filter through their inane jabbering so you don’t have to.

I see wut u did ther, Lopez. I would also like to add as a side note that watching your show is my third favorite thing to do on weeknights, right behind drinking my own weight in vodka and giving myself a prostate examination.

 

The folks back at SeaWorld are gonna be impressed.

 

Director Jon Favreau, encapsulating the emotions of an entire nation with awe-struck subtlety.

 

Jim Carrey, doing the exact opposite.

 

Although it is probably for the best that I resist temptation, please know that I at least considered making an oral sex joke here.

 

Oh Lindsay, you’re such a mess.

 

@ReallyVirtual was the first to (unwittingly) tweet of the Bin Laden raid, watching the whole event from out of his office window while accompanied by his ‘giant swatter’…

 

…closely followed by WWE wrestler The Rock, who is now apparently a figurehead of the US government. In all honesty, if I were the President I’d probably appoint The Rock as one of my right-hand men too, along with Batman and the Ninja Turtles. Also, every Tuesday everyone would be forced to bring me ice cream sundaes, and if they didn’t I’d be legally entitled to shoot them with my big laser gun.

 

I’m not going to touch this one with a 100 foot barge pole.

 

Adam Levine of Maroon 5, there. Why is it that the ones who form the most knowledgeable opinions on Twitter are also the ones responsible for the most mind-numbing dross in reality? Fuck the whole “Bin Laden isn’t dead” nonsense, this is the real conspiracy.

 

Something tells me that had John McCain won the previous election, people wouldn’t have been describing his Presidential accomplishments as “Gangsta”.