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This Week In Tweets – Vol. 8

This week; Tracy Morgan is defended by Chris Rock, Felicia Day spends all night with Dragon Age and Kat Dennings is looking for love.

I cannot speak a word of Italian, but this still makes more sense to me than half the shit Snooki slurs.

 

Don’t hold me to this, but I’m pretty sure that when an individual refers to the beat of a song (in particular Dubstep) as “pregnant”, it actually means that said individual is a “pretentious f*cking moron”.

 

“As Mr. Takei himself says in the video, it’s unreasonable for Stacey Campfield to believe that prohibiting teachers from referring to homosexuality is going to make the homosexuals go away, just as it is unreasonable for me to believe that Campfield is doing this due to the inferiority complex that was born the day his parents named him “Stacey”.”


That’s an excerpt from my ‘Ok to be Takei’ article, which Takei has clearly and shamelessly stolen from without giving me the deserved credit. If you’re reading this Takei I should inform you that I have contacted the Internet Police, and they are currently taking the procedures necessary in order to prosecute you.

 

Yeah, I just can’t imagine the torture of living in a world where people DIDN’T threaten to kill their homosexual children. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

 

Being a part-time Dream Scientist, I can confirm that the dream you are having is actually a visual representation of your need to find true love. Rihanna is an internationally admired superstar, reflecting your own rocketing celebrity status, and you conducting an orchestra behind a glass shield represents the emotional detachment you feel from others. In conclusion, your sub-conscious is telling you that you need to find a partner who will love you for you.

PS: I am single.

 

As a friend of mine once said, “it isn’t rape if you shout surprise”.

 

God B.O., you’re such a boring Tweeter. We followed you for the juicy gossip, not this. From now on we want tweets telling us what kind of sandwiches you’re eating, and Twitpics of you and Joe Biden playing beer pong.

 

Typically all-nighters involve a myriad of Tequila slammers and cocaine. I suppose playing Dragon Age is cool too, though.

 

I know what you mean Mike; I’m just about to give my dog his bi-weekly bubble bath. This is truly shaping up to be a wondrous day.

 

The day I give my dog his bi-weekly bubble bath. Duh.

 

Oh. Well there aren’t that many dissimilarities between both of these events…

 

…in that they both feature dogs. Yep, I went there. God I hate myself.

 

As this is a tweet from Ke$ha, I’m going to assume she means fat, balding guys wearing wife-beaters masturbating in the restroom.