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Decoding the Facebook Status 6

Suffering from obscure Facebook status updates? Here’s a guide to what your friends are really trying to say.

You know ‘em. You hate ‘em. You see them everyday. What are they? Obscure Facebook status updates?

From trying to sound philosophical to trying to get you to notice them, your friends are constantly trying to intrigue you with their goings-on via Facebook.

But, no more! Here’s a couple samples for what your friends are REALLY trying to say:

 

Rachel (3 days ago): Can we please stop talking about Amy Winehouse and focus on the tragedy in Norway?

What they’re really trying to say: I’m a good person. I’m a good person. I’m a good person. There have never, and will never, be topless photographs of me on the internet…. I mean, Brad wouldn’t do that… Er… at least I don’t think he would… I should call him just to make sure.

 

Tommy (about an hour ago): Music is the torchlight of the soul.

What they’re really trying to say: Learned my first power chord today! Coffee Bean open mic here I come!

 

Neil (yesterday): Free and clear! Time to start living.

What they’re really trying to say: Passed my Hepatitis test!

 

Grace (2 days ago): Work! Ugh! Only two more days…

What they’re really trying to say: Only two more days until the Maricopa County court drops my Nic Cage restraining order!

 

Sam (a few seconds ago): Crazy night!

What they’re really trying to say: World of Warcraft and Mountain Dew til 2. Showtime boobies til 3. Ghost stories under the covers with flashlight til 4.

 

Ben is now Single.

What this really means: Come and get it, ladies. Hope you’re ready for a little wine and dining at some hotspots like Chilis, TGI Fridays, and Outback Steakhouse. RARHHH!

 

Brad (yesterday): Too funny!

What this really means: I totally posted those topless pics of Rachel online.

 

Stacy and Mr. Bojangles are now friends.

What this really means: HAHAHHAHAHAH!!! I made a Facebook page for my cat! Kill me now…

 

Christian (a few hours ago): Another beautiful day!

What this really means: Have I tried oxycodone? Yes. Yes, I have.

 

Keep it tuned to CraveOnline for more “Decoding the Facebook.”