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Superfluous Lexicon #5

I just dropped in to see what contortion my conception was… confederation?

This week, I try something a little different. Eight words you don't need to know, but should anyway, all of which begin with CON and end with TION. That's right. It's a new continuation of my weekly contemplation on the feeble conservation of our humble conjugation. Huzzah!

 

 

Before you get riled up with a "I know what the Constitution is, I'm not a terrorist, you're the terrorist, jerk!", I'm not talking about the American Constitution. While it does mean the governing set of principles by which a political body is ruled, originally it just meant what something is made of. What it… constitutes. This has spread out to mean what we know it as, or something's physical structure, or someone's health and physical wherewithal. Giant nerds know this definition because it is an ability score in Dungeons and Dragons that indicates toughness. Yes, that is how I first heard it too. I am a giant nerd.

Example Sentence: The Constitution of our United States doesn't have the constitution to handle all our modern political turmoil.

 

 

Conflagration is absolutely the coolest way you can say giant fire. I mean, epic blaze is cool. Monstrous inferno has it's moments. I even enjoy the occasional colossal combustion. But if you want to wear a monocle and drink sherry while watching your house burn down, the only way you can describe the force of nature incinerating all your worldly possessions is a conflagration.

Example Sentence: Now I'm in jail because of the continuation of my work on a contraption that caused spontaneous conflagration.

 

 

Too many definitions, no time for jokes. Conduction means the act of guiding one thing through another. This applies to literally everything. Guiding water through a pipe. Guiding electricity through a circuit. Guiding musicians through a symphony. Guiding your buddy through a bad acid trip. It's also a measurement of how good at conducting something is. Like pipes are good at water conduction, stroke victims are bad at music conduction, and as we've all learned from movies, your nipples are great at conducting electricity.

Example Sentence: Let's see how easily a mallard passes through this criminal. It's a conduction test.  (Sorry, that was really, really, bad, and I have no excuse for it… deal with it.)

 

 

One of the most unique words in the English language, consternation basically means pants-shitting surprise. I am not joking about this. It occurs when something shocks you into confusion or panic; a sudden moment of pure terror. Many news programs' ratings depend on evoking a reaction of consternation. Many terrorist organizations have the same goal. Come to think of it, an understanding of the word consternation may help us as a people resist being influenced as heavily by it. We should have a rally cry. "After intense contemplation, we deny consternation!" Or something along those lines…

Example Sentence: I was plagued by constipation, and cured by consternation.

 

 

Basically, consolation is the best thing. It is whatever makes you feel better about a bad situation. We could all use more consolation. It's everything from chicken soup when you have a cold to your girlfriend telling you that it's a good size. It brings you up, makes you confident, and warms your heart. The entire greeting card industry is built on consolation. Also, fake psychics.

Example Sentence:  Many people use masturbation as consolation for lack of a proper mate.

 

 

Most of us know this term from Convection Oven or similar phrases, where it means heating something with circular movement of a liquid or gas. What it means, inherently, is the transmission of something. You are learning this word by convection, and the spread of mono around a teens summer camp is also convection. But mostly it's the oven thing.

Example Sentence: Conflagration Ovens – Our Conviction Is Convection.

 

 

Condemnation is the act of condemning. To damn, basically. It can be used to find someone guilty, or to morally admonish their actions. For example, it would be condemnation to say that Harry Potter is the worst role model ever, or that I am so glad I'm not a cow. Come to think of it, most of what I do is condemnation of one form or another.

Example Sentence: It hurts when you expect a commendation and receive a condemnation.

 

 

The simple definition of consummation is the act of completion, or satisfaction. Getting to the point that you are sufficiently happy with. The project you are working on could achieve consummation, or you could consummate a meal when you've had enough. But let's be honest about it – this word means sex. It's all you'll ever use it for. And granted, it's a great god damned word for sex. I'm just pointing out that really, it means sex.

Example Sentence: Ironically, while consummating this article, I'm engaged in an entirely unrelated act of consummation.

(It's difficult to type while f***ing.)