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Truth In Advertising: 10 “Correct” Movie Taglines

You know the little blurbs posted on movie posters? They’re called “taglines” and… they can be misleading. Here’s what they should say.

From the very famous “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…” to the just plain dumb – “What’s scarier than twelve ghosts? Thirteen!” Movie taglines are intentionally deceptive.

 

Why are they deceptive? To make money. But we here at CraveOnline think that if Studios were simply honest about their movie, they’d fair a lot better.

 

Check out some examples:

 

1. “Top Gun”

The Tagline: “Up there with the best of the best.”

What it should have been: “From the director of Beverly Hills Cop II, comes the biggest metaphor for closeted homosexuality, ever.”

 

2. “Independence Day”

The Tagline: “Earth… Take a good look. It could be your last.”

What is should have been: “The Fresh Prince is the only thing standing between us and total annihilation… Shit…”

 

3. “There’s Something About Mary”

The Tagline: “Everyone’s talking about Mary”

What it should have been: “Get ready for the first in a long series of films in which Ben Stiller is uncomfortable throughout.”

 

4. “Requiem for A Dream”

The Tagline: “From the director of Pi.”

What if should have been: “Everything you wanted to know about drug abuse, but were afraid to ask. Go ahead… Ask… We dare you…”

 

5. “The Departed”

The Tagline: “Lies. Betrayal. Sacrifice. How far will you take it?”

What it should have been: “Mark Wahlberg is going to be nominated for an Oscar for this. That’s right. We said it… Marky Mark = Oscar, bitch.”

 

6. “Crank: High Voltage”

The Tagline: “He was dead… but he got better.”

What it should have been: “Setting unfair portrayals of Asian stereotypes back about fifty years.”

 

7. “Back to the Future”

The Tagline: “17 year old Marty McFly got home early last night. 30 years early.”

What it should have been: “If given the chance, would you have sex with your mom? Michael J. Fox just might.”

 

8. “Batman & Robin”

The Tagline: “Strength. Courage. Honor. And loyalty. On June 20, it ALL comes together…”

What it should have been: “Truly, the gayest film since Top Gun.”

 

9. “Ocean’s 11”

The Tagline: “Are you in or are you out?”

What it should have been: “Plot? Believability? Julia Robert’s sex appeal? When you have this many stars, who cares about the rest?”

 

10. “Knocked Up”

The Tagline: “A one night stand that turned into something more”

What it should have been: “We don’t want to spoil it for you, but it would be a much better movie if about 30 seconds after the credits roll, Katherine Heigl throws their newborn baby out of the window of a speeding car.”

 

Keep it tuned to CraveOnline for more laughs!