A few weeks back I sat down to write all you kind readers a little article about the 10 craziest laws I could find. I probably should have done the research first. It turns out these are so many crazy laws, (and these are crazy laws JUST IN A AMERICA) and in so many crazy ways, that boiling it down to just 10 was not going to be easy.
Of course, as a pseudo-journalist, my first concern was to double check that these are REALLY laws and to get their detailed history and use. Well, a lot of that was not very easy to come by. So before you go “citizens arresting” people for some of the things in this article you may want to realize that many of these laws may not even still be enforceable. Still, as your lawyer, (CraveOnline would like to state for the record that Sax Carr is not really a lawyer) I’ll point out it’s always good to know what legal codes you may or may not be breaking. Of course what little research I was able to do has suggested that many of these laws are a little misleading.
#1. In Maine it is Illegal to park in front of a Dunkin Donuts
This is from my home state and it is actually true… in some ways anyway. It’s based on a law from Berwick Maine that is more of a suggestion for local traffic patterns. So it’s against the law to park in front of a single Dunkin Donuts location in Berwick in the same way that it’s illegal to park on Sunset Blvd. in Los Angeles California during rush hour. So the big strange law is really just a technicality. Of course other laws from Maine are harder to explain:
#2. It is illegal to step out of an airplane in flight.
Uhhh… I don’t know why the Maine state government felt the need to legislate about that. It must be hell on the skydiving industry. The good news is the cop has to catch you in flight to give you a ticket. This is not far from a very famous law from New York City, NY.
#3. The penalty for jumping off of a building is: Death.
This must have gone over well in the state legislature: “The best thing about this law is it takes care of itself!” Do you think the reason this law fell into disuse is because it was so hard to “catch” people? Huh?
Well anyway. Please find here a list of the 10 craziest laws I have ever had the good fortune to spend a week researching, along with my ever subtle opinions on their uses, causes, and practices. I hope you enjoy this article, and I remind you that excessive trollish commenting is illegal on the internet.
(Sax is not a lawyer and it’s not illegal to heckle him in comment posts; But don't do it anyway, you just end up looking like a douchebag.).
#3. In Samoa, it is illegal to forget your wife's birthday.
Thank goodness this law is on the books. So many countless lives were being lost! Still I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t a good idea. I mean think of the chaos that would be reduced by avoiding this romantic mishap. Of course it begs this conversation:
Wife: Its my birthday.
Wife: Where is my present?
Husband: I don’t have a present for you.
Wife: That’s against the law. I’m bringing the cops.
Husband: No it isn’t. I didn’t forget, I just didn’t get you anything.
Husband: I’m just saying… maybe if you involved the cops less, you’d get a gift from time to time.
Wife: Shut up.
Or perhaps the question here is not how this law works, but if there are any companion laws. Is it legal to forget you’re anniversary? What about the husband’s birthday? What if you’re filling for divorce but it hasn’t be finalized, but you really aren’t close anymore and a gift would send the wrong message, even a call? This is what happens when women are elected to high office. Of course this isn’t the only strange legality regarding wedlock:
#4. In Texas you can be legally married by introducing yourselves as husband and wife more the three times.
(Sorry, Susan, I think we’re married. It’s a good think you’re not Samoan because I don’t know when your birthday is.) Texas makes it easy for a woman to find a husband but impossible for her to find a vibrator. Makes perfect sense, right?
#5. In Connecticut a man may not kiss his wife on Sunday.
A man may never kiss his wife’s breasts.
Well that settles that debate. I won’t be moving to Connecticut any time soon, or at least I won’t be married there. Yikes. I wonder how either of those laws is enforceable, but then anything in the bedroom seems to be a bad place to involve cops. The only kind of cops I want in my bedroom are strip-a-gram cops, and that should be more of a social activity, I mean she brought a costume and everything. There is, however, no law on the books in Connecticut that says you can’t kiss someone else’s wife’s breasts. Way to go, Connecticut, you’re now the official state of swingers. That’s what you wanted, right?
But in case this experiment in legality and marriage hasn’t reminded you yet that we’ve come a long way since many of these laws were put on the books, I will remind you that according to Michigan state law:
#6. A wife's hair legally belongs to her husband and she isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
Way to be progressive there, Michigan, I can’t wait to see whose permission she needs for a bikini wax. What about the husbands of chemotherapy patients? Do they need special dispensation? Alopecia? Is there someone at Great Clips checking permission slips?
So, gentle reader, I remind you that in our 250 year history as a great nation, we have some antiquated, quaint laws that should be removed from the books because they are simply superstitious, backward, patriarchal, archaic customs. Like Marriage.
Join me next week as I take a look at laws regarding animals and I let you know where you can and cannot leave your alligator.