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Cliches About Humanity That Are Painfully/Gleefully True.

You shrug off clichés, you shrugger! I throw the said clichés around you like a limp shawl. 

These are the hard truths champs. Hard to accept, hard to swallow, and hard to write about without laughing out loud at the giant circus that is our lives. Here are some of the things about humanity that we much malign but are in fact, VERY true. Read 'em here before you see them done poorly in some sad modern rip-off sitcom:

 

Humans are afraid of dying.

This has got to be the lamest one. One close call on the freeway, one fire alarm that goes off in the middle of the night and whoop-de-doo, the panic ensues. I have so much to live for!! What about my family!!! Ahhhhh!!! So lame. When you’ve got five in a row, that’s called Bingo, and you need to step up and move it along.

Women are always cold.

A woman could take a trip to the burning firepits of hell for a steam, sauna and barbeque and still need to bring a cardigan, “just in case.” In case of what? In case she gets cold. Yep.

Men worship barbeques.

Men in fact do worship barbeques. It’s in their genetic code. If someone invites me, a woman, to a barbeque, I’ll say, “Hey thanks, I’ll try to make it.” A man will clear his entire day to devote all of his time to the said barbeque. Why? Because cooking raw meat over an open fire truly speaks to the man what with his caveman lineage. You can’t stop him from going. Next time you’re there, throw an impala around the back yard and let the men chase it with bows and arrows. They’ll have the time of their lives.

Above all else, we love our pets.

Did you ever see that youtube video about the guy who rescued his golden retriever from a burning house, forgetting that his elderly grandmother was asleep upstairs in the very same house? Well, I did. I saw it and I never forgot it.

Actually, I never saw it, as it doesn’t exist as I’m just making stuff up again. But you get my point, you all get my point and my point is—animals often mean more to us than humans. And I’m not passing judgment here. My dog means more to me than a school bus full of children (and what the heck do I care about other people’s children anyway)—I’m just trying to tell it like it is. And we human are all about the furry—in fact, I have a theory that this is the reason why so many men don’t shave their armpits—it’s because they want to look more like their friends the foxes and chimps. On a deep down and repressed subconscious level.