There is a very fine line between cults and being a fanatic sports fan. Both experience longing while away from their base. Both will defend principles with little to no reasoning behind them, and both will kill most anyone who disagrees with them.
But which one are you? Are you just a die hard fan, or are you a member of a cult?
How do your friends and family react to different opinions of your sports team?
a.) They openly take all criticism.
b.) They listen, understand, and reciprocate statements.
c.) They generally laugh them off.
d.) The last guy who said “Green Bay sucks” was found stabbed to death outside a Motel 8 in Albuquerque.
How do you feel about tattooing the logo of your favorite sports team on your body?
a.) What a dumb idea.
b.) Not for me.
c.) That’s awesome!
d.) It’s not a tattoo, it’s a birthmark.
At your local sports bar, they treat new customers like:
b.) Average people.
d.) Potential terrorists.
What do you think of the national anthem before games?
a.) Lovely tradition.
b.) Eh, boring.
c.) Could do without it.
d.) My country is my team. Screw you, America.
Your team’s quarterback is on trial regarding a potential rape charge. You think?
a.) That’s awful!
b.) Leave it to the jury to decide.
c.) Eh, he’s a star. He’ll get off.
d.) She should be so lucky.
As far as painting your face goes…
a.) I don’t.
b.) Only at the game.
c.) Only on game days.
d.) I’m like the joker. I don’t know where my skin ends and my makeup begins.
You find out your girlfriend once went to a Raven’s game. She was born in Baltimore and it was before we even met. You think:
a.) Good for her.
b.) As long as it was only once.
c.) I think it makes her more experienced.
d.) That whore! How could she do this to me!?!
A new family moved into the neighborhood. Their car has a Oakland Raiders sticker. This is Charger’s turf. You:
a.) Welcome them to the neighborhood in a friendly manner.
b.) Ignore them.
c.) Leave a Charger’s flag on their doorstep and run away.
d.) Start burning the words “get out” with gasoline on their front lawn.
Your team loses at the Super Bowl, your friends and family:
a.) Sucks it up.
b.) Cries for days on end.
c.) Develops a drinking problem.
d.) Drinks kool-aid laced with cyanide.
If you answered mostly (a), then you could probably show a little more pride.
If you answered mostly (b), then you’re doing just fine.
If you answered mostly (c), then you could probably calm down a bit.
If you answered mostly (d), then you should seek counseling before you strap a bomb to your chest.
CRAVE Online is the burden of the working crass.