Nowadays, it takes mere seconds to finalize a movie deal about an event, person, happenstance or really anything for that matter. In fact, most of the movies we see about topical events and people were on the drawing board before they even ended. And today it’s no different. Would you believe me if I told you that five different directors were attached to 5 different takes to the Occupy Wall Street campaign?
We here at CRAVE have once again done some fine journalistic reporting and discovered some of the synopsis via press releases for the movies currently being pitched to studios about the protests.
Take a look and decide which one looks right for you!
1. Untitled Will Ferrell Protest Comedy
Synopsis: “Okay, we all know Will Ferrell as this really funny actor, right? Well, what if… he’s a big-time CEO and he’s all, like, running a big brokerage firm and, like, there’s all theses people outside his building and they won’t let him get to his office, so, like, the movie is just like a bunch of scenarios where he tries to bulldozer the protesters and get to his office. But it’s not just that. He discovers halfway through that his kid is actually one of the protesters and he learns his kid’s point of view and, like, changes his ways and stuff. And he’s all like, I’m going to punch you in the face, stock market! And he also has a dog that talks.”
2. OWS: an Oliver Stone Film
Synopsis: “Up is down and black in white in this super-intriguing political thriller from auteur, Oliver Stone. Who benefits? A lot of people think it’s the corporations right? No. WRONG. Big time wrong. Oliver Stone will prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that the Wall Street protests are all a conspiracy to cover up the domination of lizard people from taking over the world. Through loosely, thrown together pieces of information and a lot of dramatic liberties, Stone will prove what we’ve feared all along.”
3. Boondock Saints: Wall Street
Synopsis: “The MacManus Brothers are back, and this time they are going to tear through Wall Street, executing high power stock brokers and Bank CEOs. They drink throughout the entire movie as we’re shown the execution of CEOs up and down Wall Street in flashback form. And then, at the very end, when we think the Saints are down for the count, a mob of college freshman douchebags, with Boondock Saints posters in their dorm rooms, come to the rescue!”
4. Michael Bay’s ExplosionTown.
Synopsis: “Okay, so we start off with a shot of the earth, looking f-cking so sexy, and then we zoom in to the Wall Street protests in full force. Next, a bunch of elite f-cking Navy Seals show up and unleash a wave of explosions against the terrorists. Where did terrorists come from? We don’t know. But we wipe all those f-cking pigs out, man. And then, the heroine, who is so f-cking hot, she’s all washing a car most of the movie and like all these American flags are so f-cking sick.”
5. Untitled Katherine Heigl Wall Street Comedy
Synopsis: “Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Wall Street, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Will she ever find the right guy? Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Wall Street, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, insert some random joke about menstruation. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Wall Street, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, she falls down. The end.”