Every Friday you will join me in Bar Fiction, a magical place where the rich, famous and/or beautiful come to drown their sorrows after a long week spent in the spotlight. This week we’re joined by Facebook founder and hoody-wearing billionaire Mark Zuckerberg.
You: Ha ha. Look at that nerd sitting at the bar.
Me: Where?
You: The sweaty guy in the hoody, drinking an Appletini.
Me: Err… I don’t know how to tell you this, but that “nerd” created Facebook.
You: Wait… that’s Jesse Eisenberg?! Oh man, I loved him in Zombieland!
Me: No, he’s not Jesse Eisenberg. He’s Mark Zuckerberg. You do understand the concept of movies, right?
You: Where’s Spider-Man?
Me: No, not Spider-Man, that was Jesse Eisenberg’s co-star Andrew Garfield. He’s playing Spider-Man in a fictional motion picture.
You: …
Me: …
You: …?
Me: Let’s move on.
You: Imagine a world without Facebook.
Me: A world without the instant validation gained from having 3 people you barely know “Like” a status concerning your choice of sandwich for lunch is one that I do not want to be a part of.
You: Was that sarcasm?
Me: No, not at all.
You: Was that sarcasm, too?
Me: Nope.
You: You don’t have to be all cynical about Facebook. It’s a lot more than just people talking about sandwiches, y’know.
Me: Oh really?
You: Yeah, really. Jesse Eisenberg has done a lot more than just allowing people to talk about what they’re eating.
Me: So what do you use Facebook for, then?
You: …Lots of things.
Me: Such as?
You: Just… things. Lots of them.
Me: You’ve got your phone on you, right? Why don’t you log onto Facebook and read me your last 3 status updates.
You: Nu-uh, not a chance.
Me: Well, that’s a shame considering you left it on the table and I’m already scrolling through it right now.
You: …
Me: “October 20th, 02.00: Just in the cab on the way home from the club…”
You: See, that’s not so bad. At least I didn’t talk about food.
Me: “…on the way home from the club and I’m hungry. What should I eat when I get back home guys? LOL”
You: That’s just a coincidence.
Me: “October 20th, 10.00: Soooooooooo hungover. Does any1 wna cook me sum breakfast?!?!1!?”
You: C’mon, gimme my phone back now…
Me: “October 21st, 19.00: At the bar with the dude who made Facebook. Gna ask him what Bill Murray is like in real life! LOL”
You: That’s enough now.
Me: OK, you can have it back.
You: Thank you.
Me: …You should totally go and ask him what Bill Murray is like, though.
You: You think?
Me: Yeah! What could possibly go wrong?
You: You’re right! Y’know what, I’m gonna go do that right now!
2 minutes later…
Me: So, how did it go?
You: I don’t wanna talk about it.
Me: Not good, huh?
You: I DON’T wanna talk about it.
Me: It’s OK, buddy. D’you want another drink?
You: Yeah. I prefer Michael Cera anyway.
Photo Credit: WENN.com
