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Geordie Shore’s Kebab Perfume and 5 Other Weird Celebrity Products

The Toon reality TV stars' new fragrance has competition in the weirdness stakes…

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So the cast of the Geordie Shore is set to release a doner kebab-scented perfume. Apparently this is the "world's first" kebab perfume, which is a glaring insight into the state this generation is in that this fact need even be advertised. 

I find it odd that kebab is the scent that best represents the Geordie Shore. Personally I would've opted for something more befitting of its cast members, such as condoms, vomit, regret or genital discharge. I suppose it would be quite difficult to promote that last one, although "VD" does have a nice ring to it.

Here are 5 other weird celebrity products that somehow made their way past the boardroom. 

 

Barack Obama Chia Pet

A present for every patriotic American out there (I’ve heard there’s quite a few), the Barack Obama Chia allows said patriots to celebrate their country by growing grass out of their President’s head. Amusingly, as Obama doesn’t actually have that much hair to speak of, leaving the Chia untrimmed will result in him looking less Presidential and more Fresh Prince.

 

If Barack Obama’s presidential reign hasn’t impressed you then you have the option to choose either George Washington or Abe Lincoln instead, so at least you have a vast array of options when it comes to deciding how best to waste your money.

 

Bill Wyman's Metal Detector

 

The Rolling Stones bassist may be best known for his antics between the sheets, mainly for shagging a 14-year-old when he was 52 (rock ‘n’ roooooll!), but he’s also got a bit of historian in him as proved when he designed and marketed the patented Bill Wyman signature metal detector.

Initially using it to find relics in the English countryside, Wyman now uses it before each and every one of The Stones’ innumerable comeback tours to find Mick Jaggers’ metal hip replacements that are strewn across the back garden of the aging rockers back garden.

 

Ron de Jeremy Rum

 

Although I am not a porn star myself (I know what you’re thinking; Paul, don’t be so modest!) I can assume that the path to becoming one is helped by a copious amount of alcohol and Class A drugs: “Booze for the Endurance, Cocaine for the Agility” is what I assume the porn industry’s unofficial motto is.

So you could be forgiven for thinking that a Ron Jeremy brand of alcohol isn’t that weird, but would you really want to accept any form of alcoholic beverage from a man who looks like Super Mario crossed with that uncle who always asked you to sit on his lap at Christmas? No, you would not. Especially when that alcoholic beverage’s literal English translation is “Ron from Jeremy”.

 

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker

 

The concept behind this old Sega Megadrive/Genesis title is so perfect it’s almost as if someone travelled back in time just to create a game that could later be used by us writers in the future to poke fun at the King of Pop’s alleged paedophilia.

Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker places MJ in the role of the hero as he sets out to save a bunch of kidnapped children from the evil clutches of… Mr. Big… and then celebrates after retrieving each child by executing his patented crotch grab right in the face of the unsuspecting youngster. Almost too good to be true.

 

The George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine

 

Just because something is popular doesn’t mean that it’s not also very, very strange. George Foreman’s Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine has shifted a staggering 100 million units since its launch despite sporting a brand name that can barely fit on the box it’s packaged in.

Such is the might of his grill that Foreman has earned over $200million thus far from the deal, a number that is a vast deal more than he ever earned as a professional boxer. For the meat-eater who doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude to withstand a slab of beef in all its fatty, cholesterol-baiting glory, the GFLMF-RGM is the perfect accompaniment to a BBQ for pussies. I mean, c’mon; he’s so proud of it, he put his name on it.