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The Big List: Zuckerberg Mania! Rihanna Goes To War! Ketchup Revolution!

Facebook users weigh in on their king. Plus: Read all of Rianna’s lines from ‘Battleship.’

Time to start a social networking company, watch it destroy the competition, establish dominance in the space, take the company public, watch the stock flounder, get married to take your mind off of that stupid business-y stuff and check out these links!

 

Which Do Facebook Users Like More: The IPO or Zuckerberg’s Marriage?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jwherrman/zuckerbergs-wedding-already-has-500x-more-likes

The “likes” have it.

 

Arizona Threatens To Keep Obama Off The 2012 Ballot Over His Birth Certificate

http://theweek.com/article/index/228216/will-arizona-keep-president-obama-off-the-2012-ballot

Not to worry. They’ll replace him with Donald Trump.

 

Here Is Everything Rihanna Says In Battleship

http://gammasquad.uproxx.com/2012/05/rihanna-battleship-every-line-of-dialogue

Ahhhhhh is right!

 

Does Buying Organic Food Turn You Into A Jerk?

http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/05/21/does-organic-food-turn-you-into-a-jerk/

The answer is “seems likely,” which is hilarious. [image via]

 

MIT Team Invents Non-Stick Ketchup Bottles

http://www.fastcoexist.com/1679878/mits-freaky-non-stick-coating-keeps-ketchup-flowing

Finally, an important technological advancement.

 

That’s all for this edition of The Big List, you drama queen!

 

Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!