Suffering from obscure and lame Facebook Status Updates from your friends and family? Well worry no more with CRAVE ONLINE’s DECODING THE FACEBOOK SERIES!
This is an election year, and despite how many people are trying to get their voices heard at the polls, many people are trying to have their voices heard on Facebook. Luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a helpful little guide to help you figure what what your friends are really saying!
Rachel (about an hour ago): Stop this attack on women’s rights! Get out and vote, now!
What they’re really trying to say: “Do you have any idea how much it costs to have an abortion? If I get two more on my punch card, I get the next one free!”
Mike (6 hours ago): Obama is a communist, socialist, and fascist! He needs to go!
What they’re really trying to say: “I know that anything that ends with “ist” is bad because people usually use it after ‘rape’ with me.”
Trisha (7 hours ago): Are they thinking of raising taxes in this school district again? Enough is enough!
What they’re really trying to say: “They’re Mexican! How many school busses could you possibly need?”
Dan (yesterday): Quintessentially, the right-wing fails to realize the problem in the long-term. Some of those tax credits regarding foreign trade assets will only last the next couple fiscal years.
What they’re really trying to say: “I like when the red car go fast. But I no like green car.”
Stacy (2 hours ago): Words can HURT, PEOPLE!
What they’re really trying to say: “Somebody stop him Tracy Morgan! He just said, “I gonna get you pregnant.”
Mike (3 hours ago): Remember guys, the Students for Change and Freedom Rally is at 4PM in the quad!
What they’re really trying to say: “Who is gonna score some sweet young republican ass by pretending like they care? This guy.”
Becky (moments ago): I believe the ‘stand your ground’ law is absurd. No one should ever be shot, ever!
What they’re really trying to say: “But someone please, put a couple bullets in that Mocha Frappuccino b*tch at Starbucks.”
Steve (7 hours ago): I just think if everyone really sat down and listened to Mitt Romney, you’d really get he was a guy just like you.
What they’re really trying to say: “And by guy like you, I mean, multi-millionaire who thinks Native Americans are all cursed Jews.”
Travis (about an hour ago): You do not have the right, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to bare ARMS!
What they’re really trying to say: “Because if you don’t they’ll all laugh at your small penis like when you where five at Brian Milton’s house, and they all said, ‘Hey, little pecker,’ and you went home crying and Mommy rubbed lotion on you to make it better.”
STAY TUNED TO CRAVE FOR MORE DECODING THE FACEBOOK!