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A Tribute to Kate Middleton Wearing Clothes

As Kate Middleton topless photos leak, we FIGHT THE POWER and celebrate a time when we didn't know what her boobs look like.

Another day, another morning where you wake up to images of a celebrity's tits plastered all over the internet. This time it's Kate Middleton's nipples that are doing the rounds, after she FOOLISHLY sunbathed topless whilst holidaying with husband Prince William, therefore giving us the right to see them because, y'know, she got 'em out in public.

The controversial photographs will inevitably divide people into one of three categories:

Category 1: Those who heavily criticise news publications for running the story, but then look at the images anyway because, y'know, BOOBIES.

Category 2: Those who believe it is well within our rights to see famous people naked because they are in the public eye and therefore we should know what their vaginas look like.

Category 3: Boob connoisseurs who will criticise the photographs, claiming that her nipple-to-flesh ratio is WAY off, and that she is "a B cup at best". However, they will still masturbate to them because, y'know, BOOBIES.

So as The Sun presumably hopes to continue its noble fight for "freedom of the press" by putting into print a "SOUVENIR PRINTED EDITION" special of Kate's dangly bits, we here at CRAVE ONLINE have decided to take the moral high-ground, and are therefore going to celebrate Kate Middleton wearing clothes.

Here she is wearing a nice blue saucer thing on her head and doing what the Jubilee, the London 2012 Olympic Games and Princess Diana all failed to do: making the Queen smile.

Speaking of the Queen, I should note that we have yet to see any upskirt shots of her yet. They say all good things come in threes and we've already seen Prince Harry's ginger arsecrack, so when are you gonna come up with the goods, Liz?

Here she is again sporting a saucer-shaped hat, only this one is much more "UFO" in its appearance. Kate doesn't look her usual jovial self in this photo; perhaps she is utilising the alien technology inside of her hat to see into the future, where everyone is bemoaning the size of her breasts.

Lastly, here's Kate bravely staring into the eyes of a dragon. This photograph gives me hope that Kate will be able to deal with the inevitable amount of criticism coming her way, because dragons are a lot more frightening than Twitter.

Saying that…

So before everybody knows what the future Queen of England's breasts look like, let's celebrate all those memories we shared of her waving and smiling politely whilst wearing clothes. The innocent times, before she found out that we're all just creepy perverts waiting to catch a glimpse of her areolas.

I implore you to share this article so that we may remember Kate the way she would want us to remember her: with her privacy intact and her bra on.

Follow me on Twitter: @PaulTamburro

Photo: WENN.com