Listen Dipshit, Stop Complaining About Super Bowl Hype

Listen, assholes, complaining about how everyone is going to write the same clichéd column leading up to the Super Bowl is more clichéd than anything else you can write right now. The crying started this year some time around the fourth quarter of the Ravens win over the Pats on Sunday. Everyone realized that two […]

paul-ulaneby paul-ulane

Listen, assholes, complaining about how everyone is going to write the same clichéd column leading up to the Super Bowl is more clichéd than anything else you can write right now.

The crying started this year some time around the fourth quarter of the Ravens win over the Pats on Sunday. Everyone realized that two brothers were going to coach against each other and the obnoxious tweets started popping up. We can’t even wait until the Super Bowl match-up is officially set before we start bitching about media overexposure.

Besides, two brothers are going to coach against each other in the Super Bowl. Think about the odds of that happening for a second. Do you have any idea how hard it is for one family to have two head football coaches in the NFL? The Harbaugh family supplies 6 percent of the league’s head coaches. Just because your family provides 6% of America’s body fat doesn’t mean you have to drag down the rest of us.

Becoming the last two coaches standing in the most popular sport in America while having shared a bedroom as toddlers is one of the most insane things that could possibly happen in the history of football. This may never happen again. Not just in the NFL, but in any sport in the universe. And the people who write about sports for a living are going to spend the next two weeks whining about this? How does that make any sense?

I love sports, which means I get tired of the same overexposure that anyone else experiences after watching more than one hour of ESPN in a day. Still, I want to hear about what it took for two brothers to wind up coaching in the Super Bowl against each other. What I don’t want is a bunch of whiny fatasses who are getting a free ticket to the Super Bowl in New Orleans telling me which stories I do and don’t want to read.

Squawking about how we are all going to be hit over the head by the same story is just as boring and repetitive as reading 15 different HarBowl puns. Do your job and tell me one of the most interesting stories that has ever taken place on the Super Bowl stage. Then you can get back to your chicken fingers and your free seat at America’s most popular sporting event of the year.

Oh, and one more request: please, for the love of God, do not write anything about Ray Lewis.