10 Smoothies to Make You More of a Man

Be a man, drink a smoothie.

Matt Branhamby Matt Branham

As men, our bodies are meant to withstand a certain level of beer consumption, greasy foods and downright rank loads of garbage, but at times it’s best to counteract these high levels of regular bodily disdain witberry smoothieh a quick and painless concoction from the produce section. Even if you’re a salad-tosser or veggie hater, you can get back to the healthy side of life with 10 manly smoothies to make you more of a man.

Each smoothie comes with fruits and veggies, all easily accessible and completely affordable, that are blended up to help you avoid the crunchy textures, overbearing flavors and spinach stench you can’t stand. You can blend it however you like, as long as everything gets mixed up nice and smoothie-ly.

You don’t have to love fresh produce to suck one of these down, and you can soup up your smoothies with things you like that are good for you, like almonds, honey and dark chocolate. Read on and find the smoothie that’s just right for you.

Toxin Cleansing
After a long weekend of drinking, lounging and talking dirty with your pals, this one gets those toxins out of your body more readily. Depending on just how bad you were to your body this weekend, you might need more than just one of these suckers. Just remember to core your apples and pears.

Ingredients:
1 handful spinach
1 green apple
1 pear
1 banana
1 cup pineapple
Few splashes of apple juice

Wheatgrass High
Wheatgrass might taste like ass to pretty much everybody, but it’s incredibly good for you. With the right types of fresh fruits, you can drown out its bad taste but still get the health benefits. It’s the smoothie that gets rid of the need to plug your nose like a five-year-old trying something new.

Ingredients:
1-handful strawberries
1 banana
½ cup pineapple
2 shots wheatgrass juice
1-cup yogurt (plain or vanilla)
1 cup orange juice
1 tsp flaxseed (optional, but good for you)

Berry Madness
People like berries; that’s no secret. Of course we’re going to have a heavy berry-focused smoothie for your hardcore berry-loving body. We recommend tossing in a banana, for a little extra potassium, or even yogurt to make your smoothie creamy. If you have a problem with that, add water (filtered please) or just more berries.

Ingredients:
1-2 handfuls spinach
1-cup blueberries
1 banana
I handful strawberries
¼ cup vanilla yogurt
Splash of water
smoothies, healthy drinks
Protein Plethora
Here’s the place you go to get the energy and protein you need to start your day. As good as coffee may taste, or as much as you rely on it for survival through hangovers and after sleepless nights, this little number can pick you up right and send you on your way without the horrid crash and constant trips to the boys’ room.

Ingredients:
2 handfuls greens (kale, spinach, whatever)
1 avocado
1-cup raspberries
1-cup mango
1 orange
Few almonds
Splash of filtered water

Ecto-Cooler Smoothie
Even Ghostbusters need their fuel before a busy day on the job, running around the crowded streets of Manhattan. Tap into your inner child and toss away that half-ass ecto-cooler juice box and get something good in you. Follow these directions, then bust some ghosts. It’s essentially an orange dreamsicle, but green, so much cooler.

Ingredients:
1 avocado
1 banana
2 cups orange juice
½ cup vanilla yogurt
Honey to taste

Peachy Son of a B
The peach-strawberry-banana combo is a tough one to contend with as well, so good luck finding a more refreshing smoothie. If you hold off on blackberries, just add more peach. You can never have too much peach. If you don’t like peach, then this is not the drink for you, you “Peachy Son of a B.”

Ingredients:
2 handfuls of greens
1 banana
1 peach
1-handful strawberries
1-cup blackberries (optional)

Right Side of the Bed
This one makes a great yogurt bowl unblended, or you could just blend it since that’ll probably be the most exciting part of the day, right? You can go avocado or banana to add body to your smoothie, just depends which your body prefers more. Fair warning though, these toppings are addicting when combined with strawberries, but it’s better than fistfuls of donut holes.

Ingredients:
1-2 handfuls spinach
1 avocado (or banana) (good fats vs. potassium, you decide)
1-cup strawberries
½ cup vanilla yogurtveggie smoothie, avacado, smoothie
After it’s blended, add some granola, dark chocolate chips and/or honey on top. That’ll make it hard to put down without finishing it first.

Rainbow Boost
With pretty much every color of the rainbow in here, you’ll get a nice immunity boost to help fight off the colds and bounce back quickly when you do get the sniffles. It tastes pretty damn good, too. If you’re color-blind or hate rainbows, well, it’ll all be blended eventually anyway.

Ingredients:
1-2 handfuls of greens
1 banana
Few strawberries
1 orange
½ cup pineapple
1-handful blueberries

Papa’s Papaya
Papa always liked a whole bunch of brightly colored fruit. If you can tear him away from his 5 a.m. grapefruit bowl routine, maybe this will brighten his day. If you can find Hawaiian papayas, then you’re at the top of your class. Expect to taste a lot of citrus.

Ingredients:
1 organic papaya (or less depending on its size)
1 banana
1 cup pineapple
Orange juice (go nuts, but not too nuts)

Matt’s Clean Green Creation
This one is jacked with all the fresh greens your mama told you to eat before leaving the dinner table. It’s my favorite concoction and there’s enough protein and fresh energy in here to make your manhood explode, but it won’t do that. If the name doesn’t sell you, then the drink itself will. And how dare you question my name-making abilities.

Ingredients:
1 handful spinach
1 handful kale
1 green apple (no core)
½ cucumber (optional)
½ avocado
¼ cup vanilla yogurt
¼ cup coconut water (or even just filtered water)
Honey to taste

Obviously everyone has different taste buds and health restrictions. Whatever the fruits and veggies you like, find a smoothie that closely matches what you desire to intake. Then try swapping out things you really can’t stand, as long as you add in something healthy in its place, preferably something that has the same health benefits. It might take you a second to get it right, but it’s a grand time once you get there. And remember, it’s all about the journey.