20 Classic Comedy Quotes You’ll Never Forget

If you haven't already quoted these movies today, you will now.

Matt Branhamby Matt Branham

We realize these hilarious quotes from classic comedy films are already unforgettable and probably pop in your head quite often, but we’re going to remind you of them again anyway. Why? Because that’s what we do here at Mandatory. Enjoy.

Ghostbusters – “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”

Who you gonna call for a laugh? This is easily one of the best lines in cinema history. Step into 1984 and have a laugh with Bill and the boys downtown in the Mayor’s office.

ace ventura, alrighty then
Ace Ventura – “Alrighty then.”

Classic ’90s. The madness in his eyes can only be understood through the heart of a true animal lover.

Dazed and Confused – “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older. They stay the same age.”

Matthew McConaughey delivers a compelling performance as the token townie with his ’70s street rod, blonde mustache and perfectly pedophiliac one-liners.

dumb and dumber hannibal impression
Dumb & Dumber – “I’d like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti!”

A scene that would inspire many bright Halloween costumes, Harry and Lloyd speak their mind and spot the fun bags on hose hounds no matter how classy the joint.

The 40-Year-Old Virgin – “You know when like you grab a woman’s breast and it’s, and you feel it, and it feels like a bag of sand when you’re touching it?”

“Dude, are you gay?” is probably the most appropriate response to this statement. Here’s to all the men who have yet to feel their first boob. May the triumph find you in good time.

Billy Madison – “If peeing ybilly madison old lady, peeing your pantsour pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”

Possibly the grossest line ever said by an elderly woman, words cannot express how simultaneously stimulating it was the first few hundred times we heard it, mostly because of how true it is.

Starsky & Hutch – “Do it.”

Here’s classic Ben Stiller as David Starsky as Maury Finkle. The layers to this guy!

tommy boy, college 7 years
Tommy Boy – “A lot of people go to college for seven years.”

It’s true; most idiots are in college for just a shade under a decade. Comedic entertainment really could use this guy right about now.

Half Baked – “F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. You’re cool. And f*ck you, I’m out.”

Classic way to exit a room. Besides George Costanza’s leaving the room on a high note, this takes the cake as far as letting everybody you work with know how you feel about them all at once.

you're my boy blue

Old School – “You’re my boy, Blue!”

The moments between Blue and Frank the Tank only got more and more touching as the movie went on, and this quote is the best representation of the love.

Along Came Polly – “Best man is in the house!”

The best man of every wedding should be required to enter the room this way.

stifler, american pie 2
American Pie 2 – “I’ll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.”

Could have gone with the band camp reference, but we’re feeling pretty good about some Stifler mementos.

Meet the Parents – “I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?”

If only it had been his girlfriend who asked and not his future father-in-law, things could have been different. But hey, nips are nips.

office space lawrence, two chicks same time
Office Space – “Two chicks at the same time.”

This would become the main objective of every straight man in America after 1999. Thank you, Lawrence.

Airplane! – “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”

If this scene doesn’t pop in your head every time someone says the word “surely,” then surely you need to rewatch this great comedy.

Anchorman – “Thanchorman brian fantanaey’ve done studies, you know. 60 percent of the time, it works every time.”

Math is for losers anyways, plus most of us didn’t get it initially. That’s okay. Once we had someone explain it to us, we had a jolly good chuckle. Looking forward to “Anchorman 2?” So are we!

Zoolander – “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie. I invented it!”

This one goes out to an old friend who would have just loved Mandatory and its humor. Despite plenty of good Derek Zoolander quotes, Will steals the show with his Mugatu character.

i am a golden god, i'm on drugs, almost famous
Almost Famous – “And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were…I’m on drugs!”

Unfortunately this line holds very little weight, as Rolling Stone isn’t half of what it used to be, and bath salts are the new acid.

Wedding Crashers – “You motorboatin’ son of a bitch.”

Since we couldn’t get a good clip or image of the classic “Swingers” line, “You’re so money and you don’t even know it,” we’ll give you another vintage Vince Vaughn. It’s still sexual, though. Always sexual misconduct from Vince.

The Big Lebowski – “Shut the fuck up, Donnie.”

No comedy quote list would be complete without including a little Walter Sobchak.