When you’re getting your swerve on, it’s fair to say that you’re not thinking straight. But not paying attention can lead to some unpleasant consequences. Read on for ten unbelievable stories of accidents happening mid-coitus. This is extremely unsafe sex.
Car Crash Penis Bite
“Road head,” as they call it, can be very satisfying, but it can also be a little distracting. In 2009, a Chinese secretary was taking a little oral dictation from her boss in his parked car. Unfortunately for them, a van took that opportunity to shift into reverse and crash hard into their back bumper. The impact snapped the woman’s jaws closed, severing her paramour’s pecker. He jumped out screaming, but things just got worse: the whole thing was witnessed by a private eye who had been hired by the woman’s husband to catch her cheating.
Couple Gets Stuck Together During Water Sex
Here’s a horrifying scientific term for you: “penis captivus.” That’s when your tallywhacker gets stuck inside something and can’t be removed. In October of 2014, an Italian couple were getting it on in the ocean near the town of Porto San Giorgio when they noticed something odd. He couldn’t pull his unit out. The combination of his unusual engorgement combined with contractions in her vaginal muscles caused his pecker to get stuck. The couple were taken to the hospital where she was given an injection to dilate her uterus and relax her muscles. Nobody was seriously injured, but they probably took a little sex break for a while after that.
Saber Saw Dildo
A lot of sex accidents can be caused by a desire to spice things up in the bedroom. When regular old vanilla in-and-out doesn’t do it for you anymore, it’s only logical to try something new. However, when a couple in Prince Georges County, Maryland took that route, it led to the emergency room. The unnamed woman was persuaded by her boyfriend to let him operate a machine consisting of a rubber dildo connected to the blade of a saber saw. He stuffed it in her and then turned the saw on, only to have the blade cut right through the artificial penis and seriously damage her vagina. She was helicoptered to the hospital but thankfully her injuries weren’t too severe.
Buttplug Stuck for Five Days
We’re not here to judge anybody with these stories. If you want to get kinky, more power to you. Just be sure you know what you’re getting into. A British man named Nigel Willis wanted to experiment with a little butt play in December of 2013, so he purchased a vibrating buttplug and stuck it where the sun doesn’t shine. Unfortunately, he couldn’t figure out a way to get it out and was too embarrassed to confess his problem to his mother, who he shared a house with, so he spent the next five days lying on the couch as it buzzed away inside his rectum. Eventually he couldn’t hold out any longer and called an ambulance, but it was too late. The toy had perforated his bowel and even emergency surgery couldn’t save his life.
Threesome Car Crash
When you get ambitious in the bedroom, things can easily go awry. Take the case of a Chinese man named Chung Yeh, who decided to bring two female paramours into his car in Wenzhou for a little vehicular threesome. Unfortunately for Yeh, during the festivities someone kicked the parking brake, causing the car to start rolling downhill. The car smashed into a tree, trapping both of the women inside. Yeh, clad in his underwear, climbed out and signaled for help, and it took two dozen firefighters and the Jaws of Life to get his partners free.
Woman Falls Into Well
Sex in the Great Outdoors can be exciting and refreshing, but it’s important to check your surroundings before you start to get nasty. A couple in Spain learned that the hard way in April of 2014. The man and woman met in a park called El Botellon in the city of Ciudad Real, regarded as one of the best pick-up spots in town. They hit it off and found a secluded area to start consummating their attraction. Unfortunately for the woman, Edelia Aponte, the spot they chose was the cover of an underground well, and their lovemaking dislodged it. Aponte fell 30 feet down the shaft while her new paramour took off, leaving her down there for half an hour until firefighters rescued her.
Penis Extension Breaks
It’s not the meat, it’s the motion, as the famous saying goes, but Russian man Grigory Toporov didn’t believe. So in 2008 he went to a doctor and had a prosthetic extension fitted onto the end of his dingus to give his wife more pleasure in the bedroom. Unfortunately, during a particularly wild session of lovemaking, the prosthetic popped off the tip and got itself lodged in his wife’s vagina. She was rushed to the hospital where they managed to get it out, but ended up filing for divorce after the whole embarrassing ordeal was over.
Couple Falls Out of Window
Some people really like the thrill of being watched, which could explain why a couple in the Chinese metropolis of Wuhan started having a seamy session against the glass window of their apartment in 2013. Unfortunately, the glass used for windowpanes in Chinese housing complexes isn’t particularly durable, so the pane gave way and sent both man and woman falling to their death on the pavement below, still locked together. They both perished from their injuries, a case of “the little death” becoming the big one.
You don’t have to go all the way to have an absurd sex-related accident. Take the case of a 44-year-old woman in New Zealand, who was sent to the hospital just by making out. In 2011, the unnamed lady was indulging in some heavy petting with her paramour when he leaned into her neck and started giving her a serious hickey. A day or so later, she was watching television when all of a sudden she couldn’t move her left arm. At the hospital, doctors were perplexed by the cause of this sudden paralysis until one noticed that the bruise from the hickey was right over a major artery in her neck. The force of the love bite created a clot in the artery, which traveled to the woman’s heart and gave her a stroke. She was treated with anticoagulants and recovered, thankfully.
Man Suffocated By Condom
We’re going to count masturbation as a sex act in this feature, just because this story is too weird to pass up. East Sussex man Gary Ashbrook had a very particular fetish – he liked to inflate condoms with massive amounts of nitrous oxide and then put the gigantic rubbers over his head. In November of 2007, his housemates found him deceased in his bed with a condom clinging to his face. Ashbrook had used three cans of nitrous to blow the prophylactic up to enormous size and then suffocated himself with the thing while pleasuring himself.