We get that you have to do whatever it takes to get through a Wisconsin winter, but this is ridiculous.
According to the Daily Herald, Jared Kreft was charged with “sexual gratification with an animal sex organ” after he admitted to performing oral sex on a horse in Wausau last Wednesday.
Wisconsin Man Arrested for Performing Oral Sex on Horse
The 30-year-old Kreft, who is currently working for himself and loving it, was near the horse and wearing a face mask, jacket, and wind pants with “holes in the groin and buttocks areas” when police found him. They also found a jar of petroleum jelly and a pot pipe on Kreft, who told police he also tried to “arouse the horse with his hand.”
A subsequent search of Kreft’s apartment turned up a small amount of weed, which, based on what it induced, could probably be classified as the worst sh*t ever.
Police have ordered Kreft to stay away from the residence where the alleged horse beej took place. We’d also highly recommend banning him from next year’s Kentucky Derby.