Here’s What Happened When a Florida Man Tried to Kiss a Cottonmouth Snake

He was so close to a Darwin Awards nomination.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: Kristian Bell (Getty)

Hopefully this guy won’t be procreating any time soon.

According to FOX 13, an 18-year-old idiot from Wimauma named Austin Hatfield recently tried to kiss a water moccasin he had captured a few days earlier.

He shouldn’t have:

Here’s What Happened When a Florida Man Tried to Kiss a Cottonmouth Snake

cotton mouth

Photo: Facebook

Hatfield’s friend Jason Belcher was on hand Saturday afternoon to witness the ordeal and said Hatfield’s face began swelling immediately after the cottonmouth lunged at him and sunk his teeth into his face. By the time Hatfield made it to Tampa General Hospital’s emergency room, he was already in critical condition.

Belcher said Hatfield had caught the snake a few days earlier in his girlfriend’s backyard. When he pulled the snake out of the pillowcase, he put it on his chest before it “jumped up and got him.”

“It was acting funny,” Belcher said.

Yeah, probably because it had just spent a few days in a pillowcase.

Hatfield is expected to make a full recovery, but authorities said he could face charges for illegally capturing and keeping the cottonmouth without a permit.

The most shocking part of this story? You guessed it: This guy has a girlfriend.

Hey, at least he didn’t try to have sex with it: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull in Front of His Neighbors