There are plenty of things that sum up the ’90s, and a lot of them are fantastic and memorable. But then there are things that we just dealt with because we didn’t know any better, and it still baffles us to this day how the hell we were able to survive. Here are some awful ’90s things that we somehow overcame.
You can instantly log on to the Internet today, so how the hell didn’t we all reach for the cyanide while dealing with dial-up? Aside from the awful noises it made, and that little yellow guy mocking us, we all overcame the murderous feeling we got anytime we were kicked off once the phone was picked up.
All you need to do today is click the “guide” or “info” button and you’ll know exactly what you’re watching. But in the ’90s, we all had to wait to see when they were going to show “Legends of the Hidden Temple.” And if you looked away for one second your world came crashing down on you once you’d discovered you missed the channel you were waiting for.
Forget about scheduling a bunch of shows to record while you go out and get drunk, back in the ’90s we couldn’t do that. You would have to get someone else to pop in a VHS to record “Clarissa Explains It All,” or you would miss it and have to hope for a repeat down the line. Now you can simply record and not watch all the shows you have stored.
We would have zero patience for this today, but there was actually a time where we would look up numbers…in a book. I know, sounds crazy. But we actually opened books back then. And read them.
These little bean-filled assholes were everywhere. Every damn kid (and adult) wanted to get their hands on them. Moms would beat each other up to get their hands on the latest one, and today, while we’re still poor, the guy who invented these sits back with a daiquiri in hand on his tropical island.
Recording A Song Off The Radio
You had to time it just right in order to record your favorite song off the radio, and it took everything in you not to smash the radio if the DJ talked over the last few seconds of the song. These were tough times, folks.
Even I found myself saying this when I was young. Ever since Joey Lawrence made it popular on the show “Blossom” everyone was saying it. Why do we do these things to ourselves? As horrible as we may have sounded saying this phrase every three minutes, it was sent into oblivion fairly quickly when the show ended, never to be heard again.
I don’t know if any of us were as confident as the dude above, but what went wrong in our brains to not hesitate at all when purchasing JNCOs? When we weren’t wearing these awful jeans, we were allowing ourselves to get the following type of haircut….
Yep. People actually went out in public with one of these haircuts. And I’m pretty sure my mom gave me one of these as well. Which is just one of the reasons my childhood was traumatic.
Long before GPS strolled along, your dad would open his map on the dashboard just to try to figure out where the hell you were. Eventually you would end up seeing the Grand Canyon, but not before ending up somewhere where serial killers go to drop bodies off.
Before “Gangnam Style” infiltrated our souls, the “Macarena” was doing it in the ’90s. We sung the lyrics even though we never got them right, and like trained cattle we all did the dance in a continuous, horrendous loop. And for that, we won’t ever forgive ourselves. But since you’re thinking about it now, check out it out here.
December 31, 1999
My dad actually built a poor man’s version of an apocalypse shelter in the basement. It had one cabinet filled with canned foods. He never got to use it, because when the clock struck midnight nothing happened. The stock market didn’t crash, computers didn’t take over and all we discovered was that this miserable world was somehow still intact.