Photo: Loic Venance (Getty)
Then we need to send a million gallons of this shit to the White House next year.
According to The Telegraph, a Japanese scientist says that if human beings want to improve their alertness and mental performance, then they need to start eating ice cream for breakfast.
That’s great news if you own a shit ton of Dairy Queen stock. And if you get drunk off ice cream, too.
Professor Yoshihiko Koga at Tokyo’s Kyorin University recently conducted a study in which he had test subjects eat ice cream immediately after waking up in the morning. They were next asked to complete a series of mental exercises on a computer, and son of a bee sting, that group of test subjects performed at a higher level than those unlucky bastards who were told to eat nothing and like it.
“Monitoring of the subjects’ brain activity revealed an increase in high-frequency alpha waves, which are linked to elevated levels of alertness and reduced mental irritation,” the study concluded.
And just to make sure it wasn’t just the the cold temperature shocking the test subjects’ brains into action, Koga repeated the experiment with cold water instead of ice cream, and although there was a slight increase in alertness and mental capacity, it was nowhere near those levels found in test subjects after they chowed down on some Rocky Road.
So there you have it. If your uncle is managing a Waffle House in podunk Georgia, tell him to do the country a favor and get some Ben & Jerry’s on the menu ASAP. Or just go with cereal milk.