Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty)
There’s one thing we can all agree on: 2016 can go straight to hell. After a year of reality-show elections, passing music legends and Kardashians further plaguing our lives, it’s time to say farewell to such a shit year. In memoriam, we offer you this, pieces of undisputed evidence that 2016 was a terrible, terrible idea. But more importantly, it’s a reminder to leave these memories buried deep in the past with the rest of this year from hell and to have a better 2017. Happy New Year!
Reality show hosts can run the free world
Donald Trump did the unthinkable: He made racism, sexism and misogyny popular trends again. Also, he won the presidency for the free world after a campaign focused on tearing down the established order (and successfully grabbing everyone by the pussy).
And you don’t have to speak fluent English to be First Lady
Melania Trump, despite her thick accent and plagiarism, has shown us that it takes zero political experience (much like her husband) to be in a major place of political power. Her focus as First Lady is to end cyberbullying, which shouldn’t be hard since the king of it sits across the dinner table.
Ziggy Stardust and Prince were actually mortal
This year started with a number of unexpected rock ‘n roll deaths, including those of David Bowie and Prince, two of the most seemingly immortal people on the planet.
Global warming can’t possibly be a thing, can it?
With our new political offices being filled with anti-environmental, climate-changing naysayers, it’s become clear that global warming can’t possibly be a thing. Otherwise, they’d be taking care of the situation, right? Right?!
It truly sucks to be a once-adored ‘90s TV dad
If you hadn’t noticed, dads of ’90s television aren’t exactly having a great run. With the recent death of Growing Pains dad, Alan Thicke, we’re reminded of the steep decline of TV dads, starting with Bill Cosby and moving into last year’s Stephen Collins (7th Heaven) reveal.
A Kardashian Ass Can Spot Another
Kim Kardashian might be able to break the internet with her rounded rump, but perhaps her powers were greatly underestimated. It was Kim who found Sheniz Halil’s perfect ass for the cover of Kanye’s Life of Pablo album. Is it possible her ass has a magnetic attraction to others of its kind? God willing.
We’re still easily distracted
It seemed like the world was coming to an end in November when we realized the country was divided, racism was seemingly acceptable again and the world as we knew it was coming to an end. That was until we realized a lot of us would be allowed to smoke weed legally. After all the times the proposition didn’t pass, it just happens to pass when Donald Trump is elected. Are we that easily distracted from reality?
Bad music being made all the time
No matter how hot Fergie may look, there’s no denying the worst songs of 2016 were hard to miss. While there is still plenty of good music being made, it seems like there’s even more crap coming out. And don’t even get us started on all the Christmas songs that can go straight to hell.
We might have overlooked how hot Fergie is
Maybe we were being a little hasty with our words before. The important thing is Fergie has always been and will always be one of our favorite females. Hillary may not be in office, but Fergie still gets our vote.
But 2017 can’t possibly be any worse…
…or can it? Keep your chins up, do good work and put others before yourself. Hopefully, we won’t notice the world is crumbling beneath us. And we still have Bill Murray!
Cats are still assholes
The fact that cats are assholes is undisputed.