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Just recently, a good pal of mine broke up with his long-term girlfriend. They were together for almost three years. After the breakup, he continued on his usual self and used social media as he normally would, capturing himself at hockey games with his buddies, posting sometimes, and he otherwise gave others no reason to believe anything was amiss.
His now-ex, however, couldn’t have been more obvious recording her new single status. Not only was her Halloween costume an obvious ode to her resentment over her ex, but her behavior on social media seemed totally out of character.
I mean, I wasn’t even told these two had broken up, but I could tell something had happened based on her behavior. He’d later confirmed that they were donezo.
This online showboating post-breakup has become something of a trend. With social media being the dominating communicative avenue it’s become, unrelenting passive aggressive digs at an ex have become expected behavior.
That being the case, I wanted to take this opportunity to help you spot a recently scorned ex. Because there’s a good chance they won’t let declare it outright, but will instead plant seedlings that will grow more and more obvious over time.
1. They’re out partying on weeknights
When they were in a relationship, they were perfectly content having a glass of wine with their partner and watching whatever they both settled on after cruising Netflix for an hour.
Now, recently single, they’re out every weeknight, posting image after image of their burgeoning social life. The beer captured so diligently online appears limitless and they’ve almost certainly recorded a boomerang with their pals cheers-ing with an unassuming caption like “getting the party started!”
2. They drone on and on about how great their friends are
Friends are great. They’re by your side before an ex, and people especially value their friends’ loyalty when feeling desperate and alone after a breakup. Friends offer support; it’s what they do. But when someone suddenly boast about how amazing they are and do it so often, it leads others to question other relationships in this person’s life.
3. Selfies are constant
They no longer have the affection of their significant other, so they fish for compliments by dropping the irresistible lure of them looking f*cking fantastic, so that friends and relative strangers can confirm just how hot they look. Everybody knows what they’re doing, but they don’t care because online affirmations are just so, so satisfying.
4. …As are lyrical tweets
After a breakup, compiling a playlist of sad and sombre tunes is par for the course. Instead of just compiling a playlist, however, the scorned ex will post neverending status updates of the lyrics they believe best represent the breakup they’re currently going through. I will tell you that a good 90 percent of the time these lyrics come from either Adele or Ed Sheeran.
5. They boast about nights out with their prospective genders
By this of course I mean the proverbial #boysnight and #girlsnight. When recently single, these become weekly instances where hanging out with your gender and your gender only becomes routine. Once an image of this night is posted (and you bet your ass it will be), you can be certain the aforementioned hashtags will be used.
6. They’re posting WAY more than they used to
What used to be innocent posts of date nights at that relatively expensive steakhouse has now turned into ceaseless images of anything and everything this person is doing. Did they brew coffee this morning? Snapchat it. Did a friend come over for a surprise visit? Facebook. Did they grab pizza later that night? Post that shit on Instagram. EVERYTHING will be documented. Believe that.
7. Each image posted grows progressively sexier
Now that they’re no longer tied down by their ex, this person can finally unleash their long hidden sultry side, taking sexually suggestive pictures that they pray their ex with stumble on to make them passionately regret taking that steamy dump on their tainted heart.
8. Single person nostalgia rears its head
This person was SO miserable in their relationship that the routine they established with their ex suddenly felt like a prison the minute they became single. So when they “finally” go out for drinks with friends or otherwise partake in an activity that used to occur on a somewhat regular basis, they’re just so elated to be doing something that, when single, seemed just “meh.”
9. Images with a random, speculative stranger
You know, just in case the ex stumbles across the image, this person wants said to think they’ve moved on with this elusive, unidentifiable person, who is really just a platonic friend of a friend.
10. They contact friends
OK, so “contact” may be dramatic; “interact” is the more accurate term here. The scorned ex will communicate with their former lover’s buddies on social media to intentionally piss you off by liking photos, posting comments, and things like that. They know you’ll see it, and they know you’ll be livid. Typical ex behavior.