As Pepper Brooks on ESPN 8: The Ocho would say, “Ouchtown, population you, girl.”
Let’s be honest: The game of dodgeball has been on the forefront of the pussification of America for years now, with some elementary school teachers even going as far as banning the game from their gyms. And that’s a shame, especially given the fact that the balls they’re using these days couldn’t crush a fly on the wall, even if you hit it as hard as you can from a mere 10 feet away.
When I was in school, we played with those red rubber kickballs, and hot damn, if you took one of those fuckers to the face, you’d develop a stutter for the rest of the day, but it taught you to be more aware of your surroundings. Hell, there was one kid at my high school who would dislocate his shitty left knee every time somebody hit him there with a ball, but he was a tough dude who had no problem lacing them up again as soon as the doctor cleared him.
Fast forward to today, and for at least one girl on the dodgeball court, it’s a pretty good thing that the powers that be no longer allow those balls to be used because if they were still in play, she might be dead. That’s because a softball player decided to get in the game, and hold the phone, she’s got a cannon!
Oh, baby. That was satisfying.